Spam email of the week
Subject: Re:: Reminder:: Good News ("AS YOU WISH")
This email is regarding a reminder about good news. And I must do with it as I wish, which is write about it for my blog.
From: "Mark Ubadi (ATM CARD DELIVERY EXPERT)
Mark Ubadi at Safeway: I didn’t spend eight years at ATM card school for YOU to tell ME which way to swipe!
Cashier: But it’s upside do-
Mark Ubadi: GET ME THE MANAGER.
We have concluded arrangements for your ATM CARD worth $10.5 Million to be released to you Immediately.
It’s about time my $10.5 million pre-paid ATM card was released. Here I am burning through a line of credit like some kind of peasant asshole. (“Immediately” with a capital “I” is faster than Jimmy Johns, FYI.)
There has been an order from above to release all the packages
God: RELEASE THE KRACKEN! … … … … j/k I mean ALL THE PACKAGES!
that are being held after the beneficiary of the package comply with the instructions that will facilitate the delivery of the package.
Those words make sense.
I have requested for a Privilege Certificate from our Sub-Consulate,
In Mark Ubadi’s office hangs a framed degree from the online university ATM Card Expert School and a Privilege Certificate signed by the Sub-Consulate. The Sub-Consulate signed it “Steve.”
this Certificate will make sure you receive your package without request for more payment and the cost of the Privilege Certificate is $35 only.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – a $35 Privilege Certificate fee to get a $10.5 million pre-paid ATM card is a no-brainer. If you think otherwise, I’m sorry, but you’re no ATM card expert.
The Privilege Certificate is $35
I Immediately forgot about that so thanks for reminding me.
and you have to pay the fee on or before Thursday 7th of May
Oops oh well it was only $10.5 million.
via Western Union or Money Gram in the name stated below:
RECEIVERS NAME: UFOMA JAMES
I am looking forward to going to the Money Gram store, which is a place, and saying, "My name is Mike Kenny and I am here to Money Gram $35 to Ufoma James."
ADDRESS: 18 TAIWO STREET, AKURE, ONDO NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: GOOD
ANSWER: NEWS
Me: I’ll take common Money Gram text questions for $10.5 million, Alex.
Alex Trebek: The answer here is “NEWS.”
Me: (beeps in) What is “GOOD.”
Alex Trebek: Oooh, sorry, Your answer must not be in the form of a question because the word GOOD is not a question and also you were supposed to text that to me, not say it, idiot.
Me: what
Alex Trebek: You’re out of Nigerian Jeopardy, please leave.
Thank you and God bless you. MARK
Thank YOU for invoking God on this terrible email, Mark Ubadi. I trust you sleep soundly at night on a pile of fraudulent ATM cards after saying your prayers.
--- This email has been checked for viruses by Avast antivirus software. http://www.avast.com
Oh thank goodness nothing illegitimate got through. That would have been bad.
This email is regarding a reminder about good news. And I must do with it as I wish, which is write about it for my blog.
From: "Mark Ubadi (ATM CARD DELIVERY EXPERT)
Mark Ubadi at Safeway: I didn’t spend eight years at ATM card school for YOU to tell ME which way to swipe!
Cashier: But it’s upside do-
Mark Ubadi: GET ME THE MANAGER.
We have concluded arrangements for your ATM CARD worth $10.5 Million to be released to you Immediately.
It’s about time my $10.5 million pre-paid ATM card was released. Here I am burning through a line of credit like some kind of peasant asshole. (“Immediately” with a capital “I” is faster than Jimmy Johns, FYI.)
There has been an order from above to release all the packages
God: RELEASE THE KRACKEN! … … … … j/k I mean ALL THE PACKAGES!
that are being held after the beneficiary of the package comply with the instructions that will facilitate the delivery of the package.
Those words make sense.
I have requested for a Privilege Certificate from our Sub-Consulate,
In Mark Ubadi’s office hangs a framed degree from the online university ATM Card Expert School and a Privilege Certificate signed by the Sub-Consulate. The Sub-Consulate signed it “Steve.”
this Certificate will make sure you receive your package without request for more payment and the cost of the Privilege Certificate is $35 only.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – a $35 Privilege Certificate fee to get a $10.5 million pre-paid ATM card is a no-brainer. If you think otherwise, I’m sorry, but you’re no ATM card expert.
The Privilege Certificate is $35
I Immediately forgot about that so thanks for reminding me.
and you have to pay the fee on or before Thursday 7th of May
Oops oh well it was only $10.5 million.
via Western Union or Money Gram in the name stated below:
RECEIVERS NAME: UFOMA JAMES
I am looking forward to going to the Money Gram store, which is a place, and saying, "My name is Mike Kenny and I am here to Money Gram $35 to Ufoma James."
ADDRESS: 18 TAIWO STREET, AKURE, ONDO NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: GOOD
ANSWER: NEWS
Me: I’ll take common Money Gram text questions for $10.5 million, Alex.
Alex Trebek: The answer here is “NEWS.”
Me: (beeps in) What is “GOOD.”
Alex Trebek: Oooh, sorry, Your answer must not be in the form of a question because the word GOOD is not a question and also you were supposed to text that to me, not say it, idiot.
Me: what
Alex Trebek: You’re out of Nigerian Jeopardy, please leave.
Thank you and God bless you. MARK
Thank YOU for invoking God on this terrible email, Mark Ubadi. I trust you sleep soundly at night on a pile of fraudulent ATM cards after saying your prayers.
--- This email has been checked for viruses by Avast antivirus software. http://www.avast.com
Oh thank goodness nothing illegitimate got through. That would have been bad.
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