Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Spam email of the week

Subject: 20/20 Vision In 14 days (urgent)

I'll say.

I just got one of the most eye opening emails ever…

This is the best opening pun of any vision-based spam email I have ever received, and eye ain't kidding.

It came from Dr. William Kemp…

OK.

If you follow vision science


I do.

you know this guy well.

Uh, we're pretty much besties. Dr. William Kemp sleeps on my couch if he becomes fatigued from all of the vision science he does.

Really nice guy too.

A lot of people say, "I don't need my eye doctor to be nice. Just fix my eyes, man (lady)!" I disagree. I like it when eye doctors are nice. I don't know. How I was raised, I guess.

But this email wasn’t nice.

Oh sh*t.

There was no “hello”.
There was no “how are you”


Wow. WHAT THE HELL HAS GOTTEN INTO DR. WILLIAM KEMP?

Just the words.

I enjoy the distinction between"hello" and "how are you," which are words, and words in general. Dr. William Kemp has no time for niceties, only cold, hard, motha freakin' words. He ain't playin', is the point.

MUST WATCH IMMEDIATELY
MILLIONS OF LIVES WILL BE CHANGED


I find it pleasantly ironic that the basic instruction of an email claiming to help people with eye problems is "WATCH THIS."

And then he posted this link

What did you do?

I followed the link...

Cool story, bro.

And a few minutes into watching the video...
I can’t explain it...I just uncontrollably got out of
my chair and couldn stop jumping...because
realized he was 100% right.


I can't imagine a degree of news that would result in uncontrollable jumping, but then again, I have been blessed with 80/100 vision and astigmatism. Anyway, that was the end of the email.

2 comments:

troy said...

I don't know why the sender is having so much trouble explaining it. A guy was 100% right, so the sender just uncontrollably got out of his chair and couldn't stop jumping. I mean, what do YOU do when someone is 100% right? I'd say if the sender had done anything else, *then* he would have some explaining to do.

mkenny59 said...

I'd respond but I'm too busy jumping up and down after reading your comment.