Friday, January 16, 2015

Spam email of the week

Subject: Happy Day Partner

I'm not sure if this is a salutation, an email from a dating site, or a solicitation from a daycare for cowboy children.

Happy Day Partner

It's a salutation.

Please Partner accepts my apology''

I forgive you? (I am Partner.)

 Hope this mail will fine you an excellent
Condition of health with your family. I'm happy to inform you about my
Successful.

in getting those funds transferred or diverted under the co- operation of
a new Partner from Paraguay as i cannot wait any longer. Presently I'm in
South Korea For investment projects with my own share of the total sum.


Starting a new paragraph mid-sentence is something that would normally cause me to immediately end a partnership, especially considering there is a new Partner from Paraguay in the picture (slut). But as I stated earlier, I forgive my partner. We can work this out.

Meanwhile I didn't forget you're past efforts and attempts to assist in
Transferring these funds despite that it failed us some how because of
your lack Wisdom.


My ability to forgive is truly being tested, as much for the insult as for the misuse of "you're."

Now contact my new secretary in Nigeria her name is
Miss. JOY AZU


I can't believe you've cycled through yet another Nigerian secretary, partner. Sheesh. Welp, at least JOY AZU sounds better than your last one, DEPRESSED UZA. Man, what a B.

Ask her to direct you how to get the total
US$2, 000,000 which I deposited
as Cheque as your compensation for all your past efforts and attempts to
assist me in this matter.


Yes, sure. I will ask the Nigerian JOY AZU about my $2 million. This is a very casual conversation.

I appreciated your efforts at that time very much and I am God fairing man
I Promised my God that I will not let any fellow or sit on some body sweat
so far God has made it possible for me.


Moses: (breaks commandments)

God: Moses, for crying out loud!

Moses: Sorry, God. I got kind of upset down there. Yeah so, uh ... how many commandments were there? I'll carve them over again on this rock.

God: Twelve.

Moses: Twelve? I thought there were only 10?

God: The last two were on the back.

Moses: Really? OK. What were they?

God: No. 11 was "Though shalt not let any fellow."

Moses: ...

God: ...

Moses: You, uh ... you gonna finish th-

God: No. 12 was "Though shalt not sit on somebody sweat."

Moses: ...

God: ...

Moses: ...

God: You know what? Just forget those last two, OK? Those are just common sense rules now that I think about it. And I'll carve these over, don't worry about it.

Moses: (sits on somebody sweat)

God: MOSES! For crying out loud ...

 Don't bordered or worry your self by contacting the office to avoid
charging you for illegal claims or double transaction or trace your
information for arrest


Is this your first time using language? I feel like maybe it is. Anyway, thanks for your reassurance to just not worry about getting arrested.

Thanks Once more, as I cannot afford to lose this fund. I am very sorry, as There s nothing I can do than this and I want you to share this joy with me since Your information made this to come through but Do to lack of finance and wisdom.

You know, I DO have a college degree.

It will take me a while before I can reach Africa or get in touch with you
Again,


Understood.

and our office is now closed and relocated in my guesthouse to
avoid trace.

Best Regards,
 Mr/Mrs. Peters Williams.


What happens at Mr/Mrs. Peter Williams' guesthouse stays at Mr/Mrs. Peter Williams' guesthouse. Because it's untraceable. (For what it's worth though, what happens there is that Peter Williams scientifically transforms himself into a hybrid man/woman and has impure relations with an assembly line of Nigerian secretaries, making each a false promise of a lifetime partnership. But you didn't hear that from me.)

3 comments:

troy said...

I am really unhappy with Mr./Mrs. Peters Williams's constant barbs about your lack of wisdom, given that Mr./Mrs. Peters Williams does not even know what gender they are. Do not invite us to the same party, is what I'm saying, unless you want there to be a scene. Although since Peters Williams could be anybody at the party, man or woman, the scene might take until party's end. But really, do you want to risk it?

troy said...

OK, so I was really worried about not finding out who was Peters Williams before the party ended, both for my sake (don't want the party to end without punching Peters Williams) and yours. (What would be worse than worrying about me making that scene all party long and then the party's over and I couldn't figure it out and I punched no one and you worried for nothing? Nothing. Nothing would be worse, I mean, if that wasn't clear.) So I did some research, natch, and if my source(s) are right, this is actually gonna be real easy. It turns out we are actually talking about a married couple, both Partners named Peter Williams. Mr./Mrs. Peters Williams. So I will just shout out "YO! EFF YOU *AND* YOUR WIFE, PETER WILLIAMS, PETER WILLIAMS!" And then I will watch to see which woman turns around and stares at me, and she will be Peter Williams, and the guy next to her will be Peter Williams, and I will punch both of them. It really only takes a little effort on the back end, Mike, you might want to try it sometime.

mkenny59 said...

While I sincerely appreciate you defending me in this regard, I don't feel right condoning such violence on, of all days, MLK day. I am also going to need a babysitter for this party, which sounds like it's going to be off the hook.