Thursday, March 20, 2014

Spam email of the week

From: Grand Prix Europe 2014

Cool! I am good at cars. Especially European cars.

Subject: Last places available for Barcelona Dance Award! There are still some places at your disposal to participate in the Ultimate International Dance Competition 2014 Easter SpringSeason in Spain! All Division,  Any Level Welcome!

Oh, the Grand Prix Europe is a dance thing? I am even better at dance than I am at cars. But not nearly as good as this email is at subject headers.

Me: Babe, hey—gonna head over to Spain to enter the Ultimate International Dance Competition 2014 Easter Spring Season, so I won’t be home for Easter. And also spring. And also ever if I win.

Wife: What are you even talking about?

Me: STOP TRYING TO STIFLE MY LOVE OF DANCE, dag! This thing is Ultimate, babe. Besides, any level is welcome! I am going to enter this dance: (tries to do Kid n’ Play leg dance with wife; move is not reciprocated) You’re just jealous you didn’t get invited.

April 17 (Thursday)
Expected arrival in Barcelona, settlement in hotel (after 1.00 pm).
Theatrical Activities or free day - according with the group's program.

April 19 (Saturday)
8:00 am Breakfast in hotel.
Theatrical Activities or free day - according with the group's program.
The program will be definitive after the registration.

Spain is closed on Fridays, FYI. So basically, I go to Spain, establish settlement in a hotel, have some breakfast, and just kind of farts around for the weekend? Sweet.

April 20 (Sunday)
8:00 am Breakfast in hotel.
Theatrical Activities for the dance groups.
Awarding Ceremony.

Sunday I will have breakfast and then win my award.

April 21 (Monday)
8:00 am Breakfast in hotel.

Monday I will also have breakfast. This itinerary is airtight and does not mince words when it comes to the availability of breakfast.

 The participation includes:
1- Artistic Participation in BARCELONA DANCE AWARD 2014.

This participation includes: participation

2- Four nights accommodation in three stars Hotel.

Or, as they say in Barcelona, tres starses. Three stars in only a half star less than the EconoLodge in Albuquerque – lap of luxury here I come!

3- Full board in Restaurants near the theatres.

Oops guess I am living in a restaurant?

4- Assistance of festival managers in the theatres.

Me: (dancing like jackass)

Festival manager: You look like a jackass. Do it like this: (performs The Nutcracker in full)

Me: Oh okay. (farts)
5- Reserved seats on the theatres during the Shows.

Wait won’t I be in the sh-

6- Transport organisation during the festival, following theatrical commitments.

??? order to BE the protagonist of a GREAT DANCE TOURNÉE in EUROPE!

Uh, is there a second part to this quote? No matter, I AM INSPIRED.

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