Spam email of the week

Subject: Your source in Volgograd and Sochi

I need one of those.

Dear Friends,
If you are interested to get a direct information from Volgograd, where awful tradegy had place some time ago, I would be glad to help along with my colleagues - photographers and writers. Will be glad to share a story and interview.

HOWDY FRIENDS! Remember that terrible bombing tragedy in Volgograd, Russia? Y'all wanna pay me and my buddies for coverage on that? Seriously I will be legitimately and genuinely happy to share stories and interviews about this otherwise awful tragedy. In my opinion, the awfulness of this tragedy is counterbalanced only by my happiness at reporting on it.

In the future, if you ever interested to have your source on Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, we will be glad to help as well.

Even if you're not ready for a source at the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi this year, please keep us in mind for when the Winter Olympic Games return to Sochi in the future, i.e. the year 4086.

Any other cooperation in other locations of Russia Federation can be discussed

Possibly your Arizona-based community weekly newspapers could use more coverage about various locations in the Russian Federation? Not telling you how to do your job, just assuming you'd like to sell some papers, is all. I've been to your websites and there is nothing about terrible international bombings. Just trying to fill a void.

In any case, we are sending you winter photograph from Volgograd as a little souvenir on this  new 2014 Year!

1) Uhhh, does this depict the bombing? If so, HAPPY NEW YEAR? If not, I don't know what this is, but maybe someone should call 911.

2) This souvenir will go wonderfully in my collection of "photos I did not ask to receive of Russian cities where terrible events took place." I am going to frame it and hang it next to my picture of Ivan the Terrible sacking Novgorod, which was paper-airplaned to me at the DMV by a drooling man back in '97.

3) This "photograph" looks like a painting. Are you guys on Instagram?

With my all best wishes,


Thanks, Oleg! You really whet my pallet with this email. I just talked to my publisher aaaaaaand boom - you're our source for the Sochi Winter Olympics. Congrats! Your beat is bobsled. Deadline is yesterday LOL seriously though hand in your sh*t on time, is all I'm saying.