Spam email of the week

Subject: Charter a Private Jet

Cool! That is something I am always looking to do, a very normal activity amongst my friends and I.

Hey, you guys wanna charter a private jet and go to like an island or something?

Yeah, mos def, sounds dope to the max! Where should we charter one though?

And THAT is where we always get tripped up and subsequently distracted by our kids, lack of disposable income, reality, etc. So this email is PERFECT TIMING.

Dear Friends & Fliers,

Can I be both? LOL ROTF #frequentflier LOLZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I hope you are doing well.

I am! Unless you count the fact that I am sitting here on land and NOT ON A PRIVATE JET.

Do you have any upcoming jet charter trips that
I can quote for you?

Glad you asked, and yes, certainly. Hold on, let me check my "upcoming jet charter trips" calendar ...





Welp, I am as surprised as you to find out that, no, I somehow do not have any upcoming charter jet trips requiring quotes. I suppose I could take a jet to my dentist appointment July 19, but I fear it may be viewed as excessive to the (rolls eyes) "99 percent."

Please keep in mind:

. All our flights are ARG/US

Funny story: I once charted a private jet that was only ARG/US gold-rated and, heh ... let's just say the champagne and chocolate strawberries tasted like they came from Costco. #charterjetstories

. We guarantee the best deal
on any size aircraft.

That is good to know. I've experienced a lot of private jet charter companies that only guarantee the best deal on big aircrafts but not medium-sized aircrafts. I mean, I realize there are other things going on in the world like Ethiopia or whatever, but I do think that issue needs to be addressed at some point.

Please provide:

. Travel dates

Whenevs, very flexible.

. Routing

??? Surprise me.

. Number of passengers

Ten. Although I am unsure how many Entourage cast members are going to respond to my friend request, so maybe two. One. Give me quotes for each scenario.

. Aircraft preference

Large aircraft made entirely of gold featuring a Biggie Smalls memorial hand-painted mural.

Also, don't forget to ask about my 12.5 and 25 hour card flight programs!

I won't! I trust this is a punch card like the one I use at Dunkin Donuts. By the way, I want my plane to have a Dunkin Donuts, thanks.