Thursday, June 06, 2013

Spam email of the week

Today's email comes from "Micheal Gilbert," which is either Michael spelled incorrectly, a French person or something, or a thing that doesn't really exist. The answer is "C."

Subject: Ad Placement.

"If ya' can't spell yer own name ... ya' might be a spambot."

"If ya' be usin' puncteee-ation in yer subject header ... sorry, but ya' might be a spambot."

- Jeff Spamworthy

Good Day,

It was.

 I wish to place an employment ad and will require a price quote and your next publish.

That was almost a sentence. You were almost there. It was so close. I feel bad about how you can't formulate a sentence. I don't want to judge you, even though you are terrible. I wish you weren't so terrible. Please, go on.

AD CONTENT:
Account Representative / Mystery-Shopper.


Is this the same position?

Person 1: So, what do you do for a living?

Person 2: I am an account representative slash mystery shopper.

Person 1: Oh, I have heard about that. Is that where you manage accounts using spreadsheets and stuff and then go shopping and the stores think you're a real person but you're really an account representative?

Person 2: Yes. It's pretty cool. One time I bought a blouse from this store and the guy was like, "Okay, miss, let me ring you up for that up front ... " and I was like, "BAM! Gotcha! I'm actually an account representative and you're under arrest for being a stupid jerk!" Flashed the badge and everything.

Person 1: That is neat. I am a liability insurance agent slash dog groomer.

Somewhat related: at my old job in NJ we used to run a "mystery shopper of the week" photo of a local resident coming out of Foodtown. If they saw the picture in the paper (which they didn't because nobody read the paper) and confirmed their identity, they won a $25 gift card to Foodtown. This involved our sports reporter (who once, at a restaurant, ordered a dish called "broccoli RAPE;" I was there) camping out in the Foodtown parking lot and snapping pictures of unsuspecting consumers. Nothing about this seemed legal. Anyway, I would like to nominate him for this position. He knows nothing about mystery shopping himself or representing accounts, but he can be trained. (Probably not.)

Fibre to Fashion. A major supplier of Textile Materials, requires urgent employment of part time workers.

"Cool," says potential employee. "What are the requirements? A GED and proficiency in Power Point?"

Must have access to the internet.

"What does that ... what? Like from home? Is this a job working from home? Or will the rest of Fibre to Fashion be coming to my house to use my wifi?"

For more information do email as Phone inquiries will not be accepted.

FOR MORE INFORMATION DO EMAIL

FOR MORE INFORMATION DO EMAIL

FOR MORE INFORMATION DO EMAIL

Fibre to Fashion interviewer: Do you do email?

Job interviewee: Like have sex with it?

Fibre to Fashion interviewer: No like do it. Can you do it?

Job interviewee: I think I'm going to leave now, thanks.

Fibre to Fashion interviewer: Do you do websites?

Job interviewee: Thank you, you can shred my resume whenever.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

There's an amazing new opportunity that is growing in popularity online.

Big companies are paying average people just for sharing their opinions!

You can make up to $75 per each survey!

This is open to anybody in the world!