Thursday, June 20, 2013

Spam email of the week

Subject: File Number (UNO-154/4456/013)

Look at all those letters and numbers! This email couldn't be more official if it had a seal. Who sent this joint, yo?

From: United Nations Trust Funds [info@undp.com]

UNITED NATIONS TRUST FUNDS? Daaaaaaaaaaaag. I didn't know there was a united nations of foreign diplomats who convene to decide which email users randomly receive trust funds! This is great news. I know there's war and poverty and all that, but sometimes the world gets it right, you know?

I'm pleased to inform you that you've be selected by the United Nations Development Program (UNDP) for its Grant Award.

It's humbling to know that I've "be selected" for this, along with all the other esteemed "undisclosed recipients" copied here. I will use this grant money to finally set up my pediatric nutrition foundation, which teaches kids about GMOs and the benefits of organic produce J/K GONNA BUY A FLYBOAT CAUSE I'M FLY.

It's like, do you have any IDEA how involved it is to apply for a grant? Seriously - I am asking. I have obviously never done that. I imagine, however, it's a lot of paperwork, background checks, essays ... probably need a W2 or whatever. So to just be sitting here at work, toggling back and fourth between Twitter and a Buzzfeed list about the Top 15 kangaroo memes working real hard, and finding out via email that I've earned a grant based on absolutely nothing? It just ... it means a lot to me.

Please contact us for more details with the information below.

Yeah, you'll prolly need my name and stuff.

Sincerely,
Mr. Jan Knutsson


Mister Jan Knutsson? You givin' ME money? You nuts, son! (sorry that was stupid)

MISTER Jan, FYI.

Phone: 1-866-352-9792

Hello, you've reached United Nations Development Program

"Gimmie my mon-NAY!"

If you're the Better Business Bureau, please hang up and try again, but also don't.

"Got my file number!"

If you're calling to accept your Grant Award, please press 2

(press 2)

Hello. At the beep, please leave your social security number, routing number, and blood type, which we require for processing grant funds. Expect your grant to arrive in 10-12 business days.
grantmayormaynotbearubberchicken. BEEP!

Okay so I actually DID call. "The toll free number you have dialed is currently suspended." Ha, ha UNITED NATIONS JOKE: They can't get anything done, amiright? Idiots.

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