Thursday, March 28, 2013

Spam email of the week

Subject: FW: Franchise Your Business!

Okay! Quick question: what if I don't have one?

Thank you for speaking with me today.

I did not! You're welcome!

Per our conversation,

We didn't have one! Everything you're about to say is a lie! I'm all ears!

here is some information about how you can franchise your business.

Do you have any information about starting a business?

We will be pleased to speak with you further,

Or: a first time.

and answer any questions you may have.

I have lots of questions. Why are you doing this to me? is one of my questions.

Thanks for your interest in

I expressed no interest.

AdvantaFran Franchise Consulting services.

ADVANTAFRAN FRANCHISING??? OMG that is a terrible name.

Sincerely,

Rose Baca


Why the hell isn't your name Fran, Rose? Also, I have another question. Do you have a picture of what it's like, emotionally, to franchise your business?


Cool!



I JUST FRANCHISED MY BUSINESS WHERE'S THE COCAINE AND DEODORANT THIS REACTION IS NATURAL



Hey ladies, I just franchised my business. What do you say we go back to my place and I help you two franchise your businesses with my business?


Derrrr



SOFTECH IS NOW OPEN IN A NEW LOCATION WHERE WHITE PEOPLE LIVE. YO DUDE IN THE BACK, SHOULDN'T 'VE WORN SANDALS TO THE SOFTECH JUMPOFF, SON.

7 comments:

troy said...

How much would you charge to write my obituary? And would you write it in advance, for free, so I can make sure this is a good idea?

mkenny59 said...

First of all, this is a great idea. Second, for you, troy? No charge whatsoever. And c) you have a lot of time left but I will nevertheless begin working on a rough draft so you have an idea. It's gonna be something like, "he rocked, he commented his ass off, he cured some diseases, he rocked again, he didn't call back because he was busy. busy with living. until now. also he had cat." Again, this is just a rough draft. Do you have a cat?

troy said...

I did! I did have a cat! Once! For a week! How did you know that? You're hired!

Also, please make my headstone call people "son." Everything else is at your sole discretion.

mkenny59 said...

I want to insert an audio chip into the headstone that says, "Back away, son," if someone gets too close, like trying to lay flowers or whatever. I mean, you're still gonna need your space, you know?

troy said...

Right. And then the headstone can just say:

Troy: 1970-2013
"Derrrr"

Because you engrave a 'son' onto there, you've ruined the mood. I knew I gave this job to the right guy.

Jane said...

I don't really have anything to add but feel I should tell you I enjoyed the hell out of that conversation.

mkenny59 said...

On behalf of Troy, may I say, thanks, Jane! This is one of the few blogs where the level of discourse in the comments exceeds that of the blog itself.