Friday, August 10, 2012

Things Method Man tells his significant other in the 1995 smash romantic hit, 'You're All I Need'

Note: This remake differs only slightly from the Marvin Gaye/Tammi Terrell original.

I will always be there for you.

Nothing makes a man feel better than a woman. (Note: Method Man is a man.)

There are two options in life: make war or make babies. I suggest we do the latter. (Interpretation: Then we can start a war because we will have an army of babies.)

Before I was Method Man, you were good to me. Now that I AM Method Man, I will repay that loyalty by not frontin'.

Even when it looked like it would rain outside, you were like, "Don't worry; it's just rain." (Rain is a metaphor for a thunderstorm of misfortune caused by unforeseen circumstances and not Method Man's own poor decision-making, i.e., anything suggested in other Wu Tang jingles.)

Never give my (your) vagina away. And keep grooming it and stuff.

I am going to walk the dogs.

Let's live in a big house with thousands of kids. This may run contrary to my earlier wishes that your vagina remain "tight," but ... we'll iron out the details later.

I am not getting you a ring, btw.

I realize now that you could have chosen any one of the millions of Wu Tang Clan members out there, but you chose me. I appreciate that. Allow me then to endearingly refer to you as I would one of my male friends.

Woman (Mary J. Blige): That is awesome. Feeling is mutual. You know how when you wake up and look at the dew on the morning grass and realize that dew on the morning grass is your destiny or whatever? That is how I feel about you. I don't want to get all dramatic, but I would die for you.

I love you so much that after five minutes with you we are having sex.

I love how you have a mind of your own that tells you to never cheat on me.

I like how you don't dress slutty when I am in jail.

I am like Noah and you are like "Wiz" from ... the Bible? The Wizard of Oz? Doesn't matter.

Don't expect anything on Valentine's Day or your birthday. We're on another level. The level of me not getting you stuff.

Man, my eyes look cool in this video.


2 comments:

FISHLEGBOOTS said...

There's never been a more "realer" post. You have to hit the streets for this type of honesty. Straight knowledge and true love from the slums of Shaolin. P.S The world could use some Ol' Dirty Bastard right about now.

mkenny59 said...

Thanks, FISHLEGBOOTS. I try to bring the realness as often as possible. And yes, ODB is missed. His lyrics need no interpretation, i.e., shimmy-shimmy-ya, shimmy-yam-shimmy-yea. Timeless.