Thursday, July 26, 2012

Spam email of the week

Subject:   S?? services for your site

Hey, you know what the average person loves to see in his inbox on any given morning? Subject headers with an overabundance of random punctuation. Granted, this particular spam is pretty modest. They’re usually like:

Subject: ^^^YOU're.GERLFRIEND @SATISIFiED ???? biggerPENIS! awaits!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, to answer your question—was that a question?—no, I don’t need S?? services for my site. Actually, wait. Depends. What are S?? services?

Hello,

Hello!

I’ve found out that you’re interested in buying links to your site(s)

a) How the heck did you find out about that? I’ve told no one except … thanks a lot, Father Tom! So much for confidentiality. b) Your inside sources and investigative work are evident in the number of sites you are aware that I operate. c) What? Honestly, what does it mean to buy links for a site? I don't know what that is.

Am I right?

The weird thing is ... you ARE! But also, you are not, because I don't know what is happening.

If you’re not into it - sorry for bothering you,

Are you? Are you really? I do not think you are sorry. The "if you're not into it" part makes it sound as though you have invited me to an adventurous sexual escapade. Is purchasing "links" for my "site(s)" a metaphor? Which one am I?

but if you are - take a look at our offer, it might kindle your interest!

My interest was kindled a long time ago. You had me at "S?? services." On to the offer ...

We (a SEO company with lots of experience in link building)

Does your search engine optimization company have a name? I realize that many companies these days try to remain anonymous so as to limit the amount of exposure and money they bring in, but a name would help. Nevertheless, I do admire a nameless company that describes itself as having "lots of experience." How much can I can spend? Also, what is the offer again?

no matter whether it’s going to be high-quality permanent ones (packs of 10) or temporary ones (we have 1/3/6 months offers). Also, if needed, we provide SEO services for our clients.

That's interesting because just yesterday I was saying to myself, "You know, Mike, it's 2012. You should really consider buying links to your site(s). But what do I go for -- the high-quality permanent links, or the terrible-quality temporary ones? If the former, can I get a pack of 10 for crying out loud? Remember the time that guy gave you three links and you were like WHAT THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH AN ODD PACK OF LINKS? Seriously, get a clue, brah. If the latter, can I get a one-month plan? I'm not looking for a commitment here. And what if I need SEO services? Like if when I have to call customer service and be like, 'I accidentally lost my links, but before that happened I had no idea what to do with them.'" So this is all great stuff. To reiterate, my interest has been kindled. So ... what is the offer?

Let us know if you are ready for collaboration or have any questions.

Okay yeah so I AM READY FOR COLLABORATION. I do have some questions, namely: all of them. Including all of the questions listed above like "What is the offer?" and also a new one entitled, "What is going on right now?"

Best regards,

Gina


Best regards? Ha, you can shove your measly "kind regards" up your butt, Lewis Tony!

Anyways, yes, please sign me up for a bunch of links for my site(s) or whatever. Charge it to the game.

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