Thursday, January 06, 2011

Classic card of the week


Michael Finley, 1998 Skybox

Back . By. Popular. Demand.



Michael…don’t you ever take a break?


Allow me to first share my great affection for the fact that these cards often choose to personally address the player featured on them, rather than provide the card-holder with any useful information. We, the card-buying public, are simply innocent bystanders of these one-sided conversations. In this instance, the card itself wonders why professional basketball player Michael Finley plays basketball so much.

You led your team in scoring and the league in minutes played.


Take a vacation, Michael Finley! It’s difficult to score lots of points for a horrible basketball team and to play a game—virtually the whole game—82 times a year for millions of dollars. The offseason is not a sufficient break, sayeth this card. So please tell the Mavericks you are taking some “me time,” Michael Finely. They will understand. May I suggest an Alaskan cruise?

Comparisons to another Michael?

Michael Rappaport? Famous lover of basketball and renown blue-collar clock puncher? Okay. I can see that. I mean, certainly this card is not implying that we should compare Michael Finley to the most famous Michael in the NBA at that time and the unquestioned greatest player ever. Certainly they are not equating Michael Finley’s ability to lead the Dallas Mavericks in scoring and play lots of basketball with the type of elegant grace, brute force, utter dominance, and brilliant greatness that has never been witnessed before or since in the history of the sport. Possibly this card is referring to the famous instance by which a young Finley, after winning a contest, earned to the right to play this other Michael one-on-one, at which point this other Michael verbally expressed how impressed he was with Finley, and that one day they may meet in the professional arena. Great story, but: that is really the only connection between the two, besides the commonality of their first name and their chosen profession. One is good; the other is the greatest of all time. Unfortunately, I do indeed believe that this is who they are referring to. After all, Michael Rappaport is not typically identified by first name alone, even in his own home. This upsets me greatly.

Say word.

Don’t say word. WHATEVER YOU DO, don’t say word.

Did you know?
All great literary compositions are enhanced at least 30 percent when they are concluded with the phrase, "Say word."

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