Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Classic card of the week


Jacque Vaughn, 1998 NBA Hoops

If you have not already figured it out, I will never stop posting these NBA Hoops cards with the amazing write-ups on the back. Never.

That said, here is a picture of Jacque Vaughn –- the encapsulated “V” is for “Vaughn!!!” –- making a mundane basketball motion look super intense. But it’s not what’s on the front of this card that I’m concerned with. Slam-poet commissioned to write these cards, hit us off with the realness:



Auntie M, Auntie M.

Jacque Vaughn played his college ball at Kansas. But we’re not in Kansas anymore. We’re in Utah. Which is totally different than Kansas, with its big-city lifestyle and diverse populace. So anyway, they went with the "Wizard of Oz" reference. Kind of presumptuous if you ask me. I would have started it off: Carry on my wayward Vaughn. But what do I know.

The only thing JV here is your initials.

Indeed, Jacque Vaughn plays for the Varsity Jazz. He also dates the head cheerleader who oftentimes can be seen donning Jacque’s Varsity Jazz jacket, with its obnoxious surplus of patches.

Tops all-time in assists at Kansas.


That was weird. Something that actually has to do with Jacque Vaughn. I’m confused.

Nice tutor you got there in Utah.

Sure, if by tutor you mean short-shorts-wearing white dude who is so beloved and so much better than you that you will never play basketball again, then yeah…nice tutor. It should be mentioned however that John Stockton did help Jacque Vaughn pass his test on the French Revolution.

See you on down the road.

I’m not sure if they are referring to the yellow brick road here in an attempt to bring this oddness back full circle. Either way, an interesting formula of “Use Wizard of Oz quote – refer to high school sports hierarchy – give stat about Jacque Vaughn – allude to the reason he will never play for the Jazz – tell Jacque Vaughn that you will see him later.”

Nevertheless, if you have indeed been following Jacque Vaughn down the road of life, you must be very tired, as that road went from Utah to Atlanta to Orlando back to Atlanta to New Jersey –- holla! –- and to San Antonio. And that is why I think “wayward Vaughn” would have worked much better.

Did you know?

John Stockton actually has an Auntie M, whose birthname is Mildred Constantine, and who is not really his aunt, but a really, really good friend of his mother's.

3 comments:

SpastikMooss said...

hahahaahahahahha.

Please never stop these ever. As in even if you someday do a post for every card in the set, force NBA Hoops to do an update set. I love this stuff. Nice analysis.

Bo said...

Those are great. I've posted some of the baseball ones on my blog in the past.

mkenny59 said...

Yeah, I noticed that. Thanks, Bo! And thanks for the positive comments as well...glad you guys like these, it means a lot.