Sunday, April 13, 2008

Classic card of the week



Tariq Abdul-Wahad, 1998 Skybox

For the past several years, this blog has been flooded with requests to post a Tariq Abdul-Wahad card. Also, this is not true. Also, here is your freakin’ Tariq Adbul-Wahad card, you heathens! Now leave me alone!

The front of this card is rather unspectacular, even though I do love me a good montage of the same pose. As far as the random “A” is concerned…I only discovered that it signified the “A” in “Abdul-Wahad” by looking at other cards in this series. Knowing this, however, does not diminish the fact that this makes no sense. As if the letter “A” is an easier means of identifying Tariq Abdul-Wahad:

Me: Yo, my boy A was off the heezy last night?*
Other person: Oh, fo real? You mean Ala Abdelnaby?
Me: What? Pfftt! No jerkoff! I’m talking about Tariq Abdul-Wahad!
Other person: True, true.

But again, this is nitpicking. The real fun exists on the back of the card, where we have this interesting little nugget with regards to Abdul-Wahad:



Tour de France?

I didn’t bring up the Tour de France? Did you bring up the Tour de France? Hmmm. Okay, did anybody here bring up the Tour de France? Please raise your hand if you brought up the Tour de France? Nobody? Okay. Continue.

How about Tour de Force when you bring your baguette fresh game.

How about, what in the freaking hell does that even mean? I wish I could have been a Sacramento Kings television announcer in the late 90’s, just so I could have listed this as one of the “Keys to the Game:”

Will Abdul-Wahad bring baguette fresh game? If so, could be a Tour de Force.

Let’s move on.

Rate?

I think this says rate. It’s hardly legible. It could be “Fate?” It could be “Late?” It doesn’t matter. The point is that, no matter WHAT this reads, the sentence that follows neither answers the question, or makes any semblance of sense whatsoever.

No…we’ll just admire your peace and poise.

Listen. I love to make fun of stupid sports cards. It’s one of my favorite things to do. Oftentimes, I’ll take a tidbit on the back of a card, and say that it makes no sense, when in reality, I can sort of tell what the tidbit is trying to state, but it’s just…stupid. For example, I earlier stated that the “A” on the front of the card makes no sense, but it does, kind of. It’s really just stupid and pointless. THIS however? This little tidbit? This literally makes no sense. A person cannot make sense of any of this. There is no sense to be made here. In fact, let’s look at this again, in its entirety, just to make sure. Keep in mind, also, that these words are supposed to tell us something about a basketball player named Tariq Abdul-Wahad:

Tour de France? How about Tour de Force when you bring your baguette fresh game. Rate? No…we’ll just admire your peace and poise.

This makes no sense. But here is your Tariq Abdul-Wahad card. I hope you’re happy.

Did you know?
An anonymous NBA scout once said that Abdul-Wahad was “not a great basketball player, but has an admirable amount of peace.”

*I would never say anything like this.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think the guy was French, so the Rate? thing may have been Pate? Still makes absolutely no sense, keep up the good work!

CMB said...

Just lookin' to see if you wrote a Bon Jovi review!
Love you lots.

Anonymous said...

yea i agree with the french thing.... but i think its supposde to have an accent on teh e so its pronounced pa-tay....