Thursday, June 18, 2009

"Ice, Ice Baby" explained III: The finale

VERSE 3

For VERSE 1 explained, see here.

For VERSE 2 explained, see here.


Take heed, cause I’m a lyrical poet

Take heed, ye’ merry gentlemen. For I am a lyrical poet. I do not use other mediums for my poetry, such as paint, or steel, or birds, or whatever. I use words, or, in my case as it pertains to hip-hop specifically, lyrics. For example, earlier when I rhymed “bikinis” with “Lamborghinis,” that is what we in the literary field call: poetry.

Miami’s on the scene just in case you didn’t know it

Miami is on the hip-hop scene, thanks in large part to me, Vanilla Ice. I have made Miami proud.

My town, that created all the bass sound

As Wikipedia can attest: "Miami bass (also known as booty music or booty bass, a term that may also include other genres, such as dirty rap), is a type of hip hop music that became popular in the 1980s and 1990s." You can have your emotionally charged blues, Memphis -– I’ll take my booty bass and sexually perverse rap, thank you very much!

Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground


I cannot walk two feet in this town without falling into a hole that was caused by booty bass.

Cause my style is like a chemical spill

My style, which is to say my persona, mannerisms, clothes, the way in which I rap, etc., is similar to a scenario in which a giant canister of chemicals is accidentally spilled, causing much damage physically, emotionally, and financially to anyone who may be in the surrounding area. I need not elaborate on this simile, as I think it speaks for itself.

Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel

My rhymes are feasible. Earlier when I rapped about being involved in a Miami gunfight, and driving past attractive sex-crazed women, and cooking people like bacon, I was being very feasible. Besides that, the listener can also vision and feel my rhymes. A lot of people say to me, they say, “Ice, I listen to other rappers, but I can’t vision their rhymes, ya’ know?” And I’m like, word. That’s what makes me special. Not only have I created rhymes that you can vision, I have also made vision a verb. But you can also feel my rhymes as well. Go ahead, touch them…they don’t bite!

Conducted and formed, this is a hell of a concept


My rhymes, besides being a) vision-friendly, b) tangible to the touch, and c) feasible, are also conducted and formed. Imagine that, I ask sarcastically! I firmly believe that if many of today’s rappers took the time to conduct and form their rhymes, instead of just like, saying them whenever, that we’d all be better off as a society because of it. I mean, it really doesn’t even take that much time to conduct and form your rhymes. All you need is a train engineer’s hat and a protractor.

We make it hype and you want to step with this

You would so love to join our team of hypeness. Unfortunately, we are no longer accepting applications.

Shay plays the fade, slice like a ninja

The good news? Shay is back. He was unharmed in the gunfight that occurred in the second verse. However, I question his loyalty, as he was nowhere to be found when shots were ringing out like a bell. Regardless, he is my DJ. An integral part of djing is working the fader. Shay plays this instrument –- which is less an instrument than it is a thing that you just slide back and forth -– very well. He also “slices” records –- or, like, spins and scratches them and stuff -– like a ninja would slice his or her opponent in a ninja battle. And I should know, because I appeared in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. So please, do not question my street cred or my knowledge of ninjas in general.

Cut like a razor blade so fast, other djs say damn


Shay also cuts records, which is pretty much the same thing as slicing them. I apologize for the redundancy of metaphors as they relate to Shay’s ability to DJ, but I should mention that other, lesser djs are impressed with his professional skills. But enough about Shay.

If my rhyme was a drug I’d sell it by the gram


If I could convert my rhymes into illegal narcotics, my preferred unit of mass for distribution purposes would be the gram. I thought you would like to know this. For those of you who may naively think that rhymes, due to the laws of physics, cannot be molded into like, crack or something, take heed: One time my buddy Fred converted a fart into a laser printer and we pawned it for $30.

Keep my composure when it’s time to get loose

Some people think that “getting loose” and keeping one’s composure are mutually exclusive. I beg to differ. When it’s time to get a little crazy on the microphone while on stage and for the purposes of entertainment, I will often sit down and take 10 deep breaths in order to regain my composure. The crowd typically applauds.

Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice


Here –- as I have throughout this entire song -- I am taking great liberties with what qualifies as slang. “Juice,” which is slang, albeit for respect, does not mean “rhymes.” But I am trying to force new slang via context. I could very well have said “while I kick my goose,” which would have made just as much sense, and which rhymes better with “loose” anyway. So, to recap, you cannot take your eyes off of me when I am doing something that makes no sense.

If there was a problem, yo I'll solve it

I will solve nothing.

Check out the hook while D-Shay revolves it

I have combined the word "deejay" and the name "Shay" to form one, better word: D-Shay. Not only does this term help to retain the original sound of both words, but Shay actually IS a deejay. When I originally thought of this, my brain became so overloaded that I blacked out for three days, and woke up on a banana boat in the Gulf of Mexico. But obviously, it was worth it.

Yo man -– let’s get out of here


Shay, let us leave. These people disgust me.

Word to your mother

Please say hello, or, "word" to your mother for me. I do not actually know your mother. But I am hoping to play on your insecurities by making you think that I have a pre-existing and sexual relationship with her. Please buy my album.

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