Classic card of the week

Michael Cage, 1990 NBA Hoops

I’d like to begin the 2008-09 NBA season by paying respects to a team that is no longer with us: The Seattle Supersonics. It is appropriate, then, that we present to you the undisputed greatest player ever in Seattle Supersonics' history: Michael Jerome Cage.

My friend Eric sent me this gem months ago, under the subject title: How about some jheri curl action? To that question, I responded, in my head, “Well alright, sure, I guess. I am not certain what that means at this present moment, but allow me to click on this email and possibly discover what it is that Eric is referring to…” Then it was like, splid-OW! Jheri curl action. In my face. All the time. I was happy.

It has been said, “Once you’ve seen one jheri curl, you’ve seen them all.” (-Plato) Michael Cage would beg to differ. In fact, this is probably my favorite of all time. Why? Because it’s the one I’m looking at right now. I’m very fickle when it comes to my jheri curls; one day it’s Melido, the next day it’s Michael Cage. It really depends on what kind of mood I’m in. Today I’m in a “non-mullety, with extra jheri juice” type of mood. I don’t know what else to tell you.

As for basketball, Michael Cage was a rebounding machine. The back of the card elaborates:

Led league in rebounding in 1988, pulling down 30 in final game of season to edge out Charles Oakley.

Something tells me that Oakley is still pissed about that one. Unless, of course, he has simply taken the stance of, “Yeah, okay. But at least I never had a jheri curl.” Touche, Oak Man. But this wouldn’t be a “Classic Card” if we didn’t allow Wikipedia to chime in:

During his career, Cage earned the nicknames “John Shaft” and “Windexman” (as in “cleaning the glass”) for his rebounding prowess and hard work on defense.

I was not aware that fictional detective John Shaft was such a notorious hard worker and rebounder. As for being called Windexman, I had two very lame jokes for that. I will now list them:

-The website fails to mention that Windexman was a double entendre, as it was Windex that gave Cage’s hair that glossy shine.

-Ironically, each time Cage went up for a rebound, the glass would, literally, need to be cleaned. With Windex. Because of his jheri curl juice.

Sorry for everything, Seattle.

Did you know?
Michael Cage's catchphrase after grabbing a particularly fierce rebound was, "Oops, pow, surprise!"