Thursday, October 30, 2008

Classic card of the week


Tyrone Calico, 2005 Topps

The only thing better than one Tyrone Calico is two Tyrone Calicos. (Three is just too much Tyrone Calico, as you could imagine.) That is why this is probably -- maybe, haven’t quite decided yet, because there are so many to choose from, but probably -- my favorite Tyrone Calico card. This card speaks to me. And this is what it says:

I’m Tyrone Calico, wide receiver for the Tennessee Titans. Don’t believe me? Check the inset. That’s me. Now stop staring at me. I hate you.

Whoa, Tyrone Calico! Why the animosity? Maybe the back of the card can explain:




Tyrone led the Titans in receiving in the 2004 preseason, but then hurt his knee.


The end.

For real though -– Calico pretty much never played after that. The Titans honored the short career of Tyrone Calico by first, a) cutting him, and then, b) never using a wide receiver ever again. Also, the back of the card fails to mention how he hurt his knee. Thankfully, Wikipedia exists:

After a knee injury caused by a horse-collar tackle from Roy Williams, he was cut by the Titans.

Geez. How many freakin’ careers has Roy Williams stalled or straight-up ruined with his horse-collar tackling ways? Terrell Owens. Donovan McNabb. Tyrone Calico…what the heck? Legend has it that while he was filming his United Way commercial where he pushes kids on a swing, Williams yelled “Cut!” and then grabbed three of the kids by the back of their shirts and threw them to the ground, ruining their acting careers. Also, one of them was a girl.

But what else about Tyrone Calico? The back of the card poses a fun trivia question:

What year was the National Football League formed?

My answer was: “2002…by Tyrone Calico.” That was wrong. The real answer is 1920. Maybe you got the answer correct because you saw the cartoon man carrying a flag that reads “1920,” in which case you are extremely perceptive and clever and also literate, so congratulations, you sleuth! And yes, the NFL was formed in 1920, during a classic inauguration ceremony that featured a housewife-slash-cheerleader who looked like Olive Oil holding hands with a fat man smoking a cigar and wearing a mink coat, holding a flag confirming that yes, it was 1920 on that day. Then a team comprised mostly of Irish prisoners played two-hand-touch against 10 agitated goats. And that was how the NFL was born. It made more sense back then. Trust me.

Did you know?
ESPN's Chris Berman sued Roy Williams for $2 billion in 2004 for depriving him of the opportunity to use the phrase "Tyrone 'the Calico Cat'" because of the injury. The case was settled out of court.

1 comment:

Bill said...

What a great card! This series of Topps was ripe with comedic moments.

I also liked how, as is standard with this series, Tyrone's height was expressed in a time format - he's 6:04 tall. In fact, Tyrone Calico would often smack talk opposing DBs by saying "It's Calico Time, and yo' ass is late, fool!"