Classic card of the week

Dwight Gooden, 1987 Drake’s

Here is another installment in our “Cards that came with food” series. In this case, we are provided this awesome Dwight Gooden card courtesy of Drake’s. There is no doubt in my mind that the box this card was cut out of was a box of Drake’s coffee cakes, because they were like my favorite things ever as a kid…and right now, and forever. That two-pack of soft, delicious coffee cakes, with the crumbles -- I call them crumbles -- on the top, which had a tendency to fall off after a hearty bite, but it wouldn’t matter, because even if one of those crumbles fell into a pile of hot poop, I would have scooped it out and ate it anyway, because those crumbles were so precious. I love coffee cakes.

As you can see, this particular series was the “7th Annual Collector’s Edition,” so by this point in time, the Drake’s series of cards held a lot prestige within the industry. You could bring one of these puppies to a baseball card show and try to trade it to one of the shiesty dealers, and you wouldn’t even have to be embarrassed. Except you would be embarrassed anyway, because those dealers were always trying to rip you off and make you feel stupid, and cards that come with desert and that you had to personally cut out of a cardboard box don’t typically inspire the awe of say, a Mickey Mantle rookie card. Whatever. Jerks.

Anyhoo, I have to admit, at that point in time -- I was nine years old when I cut this card out -- I honestly believed that by this time in my life, it would be worth at least a gajillion dollars. (“This card is so rare! And Gooden will be the best pitcher ever by then!”) I would retire at 32, walk into a bank, hand my Drake’s coffee cake Dwight Gooden card to the bank manager, and then fly immediately to Turks & Caicos (I had exquisite tastes as nine-year old, as you could already tell by my desert preferences) where I would spend the rest of my days sitting on the beach sipping Shirley Temples. Also, Winnie from “The Wonder Years” would be there.

Amazingly, things did not work out that way. To my credit, I did manage to hold onto this card for all these years…so there’s that. But instead of cashing it in I have instead posted it on a blog that nobody reads. And you can’t put a price on that.

Oh, wait -- yes you can. The price is zero dollars. I also must mention that the back of this card is brought to you by Ring Ding, Jr., Sunny Doodles, and Yodels. I have never heard of Sunny Doodles before, but they sound awesome. I wonder if they have crumbles…