Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Classic card of the week


Don Slaught, 1989 Score

Don Slaught. Slaughty. Slaughterer of baseballs. Slaughty McSlaughterson. Don Juan DeSlaughty. Slaughtmeister. Damn, son -- you should have known Don Slaught was playing catcher today, cause you just got slaught stealing! Professor Slaught. The Slaught heard ‘round the world. I slaught I told you that we won’t stop. Yankees Slaughterhouse, population: 1. His name? Don Slaught. Erhouse. Slaught, Don. Don Slaught.

Don Slaught was dubbed, by me, at this very moment in time, as “Mr. April through Early May,” for his inability to make it to Memorial Day in one piece. Back of the card, take over:



Don was second in the A.L. with a .378 BA in mid-May and had 26 RBIs in 28 games when he went on the DL with a pulled groin muscle.

Groin slaught. The worst kind.

Don’s cheekbone and nose were shattered by a pitch in a mid-May of ’86. He was batting .293 at the time and, after seven weeks on the DL, struggled to regain his batting eye.

Well, no kidding he had difficulty regaining his batting eye -- it was hanging by a thread off of his fractured face. Don Slaught lost both of his legs in a skiing accident. After that, he struggled to regain his skiing form. (Side note: If I ever got hit in the face -- or in the arm, or on the back, or on the fabric of my uniform -- with a professionally pitched baseball, I would never step back into the batter’s box ever again. Fyi.) If the baseball season only lasted five weeks instead of six months (or, if he was nicer to Woody Paige), Don Slaught would be in the Hall of Fame. But in way, he kind of is. In what way, I cannot say. I just feel like he’s in Hall of Fame, and that’s good enough for me.

Also -- and I’m not ashamed to say this -- if you take away the mustache, the unibrow, the fractured face and pulled groin muscle, Don Slaught is a handsome man. He’s the kind of guy you could take home to Mom and say, “Mom, this is Don Slaught, and I am going to marry him. I am going to be Mrs. Barb Slaught, and there’s nothing you can do about it so BACK OFF! Stop trying to run my life!”

Did you know?
Don Slaught was unable to walk with his high school graduating class after he ruptured his spleen playing badminton in gym sometime around mid-May.

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