Classic card of the week

Joe Carter, 1996 Upper Deck

So then I said, “Three fifty? Three-hundred-and-fifty dollars? For an exhaust pipe? Oh, noooooooooo.” Now you know me, right? You know me. I ain’t the one to be throwing my name all out there like that. But I’m talking to dude IN MY UNIFORM. Just like this. You see me right now? Just like this. In fact – IN FACT – when dude told me the price, I turned my back to him, like I was all frustrated, like I was thinking about what I was going to do, JUST so he could check the name on the back of the jersey, so there was no confusion, ya' know? Now you know me. I ain’t the type to do this. But I wasn’t havin’ it. So I turn back around, and dude’s still standing there…no reaction. So finally I’m like, “Bro – you watch baseball?” And you know what he says? You know what dude says to me? “I like hockey.” So I throw my hands up in the air, like “I give up,” ya’ know? Then I say to him, I say, “Alright, alright. What if I was say, Dino Cicarrelli, right? How much would I pay for this exhaust pipe?” And you know he says to me? YOU KNOW WHAT DUDE SAYS TO ME? “$500. I hate the Red Wings.” True story. Freakin’ Canada, man. Hey, you know a good mechanic?

Joe Carter did not even get the proper respect on the back of his own baseball cards, as evidenced by this particular card, where Stumpy the Degenerate Quizmaster asks this question:

Who hit a ninth inning homer in Game Two of the 1992 World Series to propel Toronto to its first championship?

Oh, Ed Sprague. Hmmm, that’s nice. Game Two, you say? Riiight. Hey Stumpy, I was wondering, do YOU know who hit a ninth inning homer in Game Six of the 1993 World Series to propel clinch Toronto its second consecutive championship? I’ll give you a hint: He’s right above your fat face, trying desperately to prevent a triple from happening.

I hate Stumpy.

Did you know?

On the back of a 1998 Cal Ripken Jr. card, Stumpy wondered what New York Yankees' player once played in 2,130 consecutive games.


Don said…
Love it. I think my Dad is Joe Carter's cousin. Last year he took his '86 purple Cadillac to the mechanic to get a windshield wiper motor fixed. When he was told there was a hole in the exhaust pipe he said he'd wait till next time to get it fixed. (My father has ceased thinking that his fame as a Lutheran minister gets him anything in this world.)