Monday, January 22, 2007

Classic card of the week




Mark Randall, 1992-93 Fleer

“Alright guys, just calm down. I’m not here to step on anybody’s toes, okay? My name is Mark Randall and I’m just here to play a little defense. I’m really not here to cause any kind of commotion. So if you’ll just get this over with, and pass the ball over my head for an ally-oop type dunk, I’ll be on my way back to the bench. I want to get out of your way as quickly as possible. Honestly. I mean, I’m wearing Reebok Pumps right now, and I didn’t even bother pumping them up before I came out here. I’m totally deflated right now. I might as well be wearing flip-flops. So please, let’s get this over with so everyone can get home to their families, okay?” When he wasn’t playing defense as if he were half-heartedly negotiating a hostage standoff, Mark Randall was busy grabbing mad boards – his 71 total rebounds during the 1991-92 season ranked second among Rony Seikaly look-a-likes. But that’s not all. Mark Randall was a hit with the home crowd, mainly due to his unrivaled ability to recognize that, yes – this is a basketball court I am standing on: A crowd favorite wherever he plays, Randall is a hard-working player with lots of court sense. How much court sense, again? Lots. In fact, in this very picture, the thought process running through Mark Randall’s mind is apparent: I am at the top of the key. No wait – I am near the foul line. Today is Wednesday. If I take two steps back, I will be in “three seconds” territory. Don’t wanna go there. This court is beige, with blue and red coloring. I am sensing a sweat puddle underneath the basket. I hope that kid gets out here with the mop soon, cause somebody is gonna get hurt. Also – and this is just my humble opinion – maybe we can collectively stop using “crowd favorite” as slang for “goofy-ass white guy who looks consistently confused and out-of-place, but who the fans will derisively cheer for if he happens to grab a loose ball.” I’m growing tired of this trend. Guys like Mark Randall and Brian Scalabrine aren’t crowd favorites. They’re scrubs. You know who was a crowd favorite? Michael Jordan. That guy had some serious-ass court sense.

Mark Randall fun facts

Favorite Food: Beef gyro

Favorite Subject: Latin

Favorite Group: Death Cab for Cutie

Favorite Movie: Ernest Goes to Camp / Porn (tie)

Favorite TV Show: True Life: I’m a Jersey Girl

Pet Peeve: When people use credit cards to buy coffee

Did you know?
Mark Randall once negotiated a truce between Dennis Rodman and an upset trannie.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mark Randall's fun facts are eerily similar to your own preferences....hhmmmm...maybe the next time I treat you to coffee and pay with a credit card you can just pay for your own!!

mkenny59 said...

i don't eat beef gyros!