Friday, December 29, 2006
Classic card of the week
Kevin Porter, 1991 Pro Line Portraits Series
What’s that you say, Kevin Porter? Would I like to see what’s behind that football? Ummm, no thanks. I’m cool. Really though. Actually, as a matter of fact, I brought my own football, so…yeah, don’t worry about it. Come again, Mr. Porter? Would I like to guess what’s behind that football? Uhhh, okay. Is it…another football? Kind of? Okaaay. Is it…a Herman Melville novel? Yeah, he wrote the book about the whale. I’m getting closer? Okay. Wait – I don’t really want to get any closer, now that I think about it. I give up, Kevin Porter. What’s behind the football? What the - a Chia Pet? For me? Why thank you, Kevin Porter! You didn’t have to go through all that trouble! And I didn’t even get you anything…I feel terrible. Wait, do you have any skin-tight spandex shorts, because I just saw a pair at Dick’s Sporting Goods…maybe I could buy them for you? Oh, you do have a pair of skin-tight spandex shorts? Several pairs? Oh my gosh - you’re wearing a pair right now. How did I not notice that? I think your Chia Pet was in the way. My bad. Do you have…a sleeveless turtleneck? You do? Crap! I know, I know – the sleeveless turtleneck is perfect for a late September afternoon. Oh well. But what the heck can I get you in return? Let’s check the back of your card: “…The only thing competition will do is make you a better person and player.” That’s it! I’ll get you some competition! What size are you…extra tight? Okay, I’m going to the store right now. When I get back, you are going to have the best competition money can buy! Wait, how much is competition? Can I borrow some money, Kevin Porter? What’s that? It’s in your back pocket? You want me to get it? No way those things have pockets. I am becoming suspect of your mysterious ways, Kevin Porter. You can keep what’s behind that football – I’m going home.
Did you know?
Kevin Porter wore this same exact outfit on his wedding day, except with a bowtie.