Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Classic card of the week




Barry Sanders, 1998 Playoff Co. series

Barry, no! You’re running the wrong way! The “endzone x-press” is that-a-way! It’s easy to forget – because he was so freakin’ awesome – that Barry Sanders was, in fact, a Detroit Lion, and Detroit Lions tend to do stupid things, like disobey a smorgasbord of arrows leading them in the direction of the correct endzone. Only a Detroit Lion would be going the wrong way on a football card with the inscription “momentum” in the top right hand corner. Then again, this could have been one of those scenarios where the Lions’ offensive line immediately collapsed the exact second the ball was snapped, forcing Sanders to run backwards 20 yards, just so he could get some room to go forward again, which was when he was at his best. Or, it could have been a play call by the mastermind himself, the immortal Wayne Fontz, who most likely used the rationale, “Well, nobody seems to defending the endzone behind us…that would seem to be the easier option here.” Amazingly, the Lions have been unable to locate the “endzone x-press” to this very day, even though new mastermind, G.M. Matt Millen, has been searching on mapquest for the past five years. The symbolism contained in this card is also extraordinary, as even the mini-Lion in the lower right hand corner – read, “the entire Lions organization” – is also going the wrong way, and seems poised to get run over by an oncoming tractor trailer at any given moment. And while I would joke that Millen himself is driving the tractor-trailer, which contains a truckload of failed first-round draft picks, that would mean that Millen is following the arrows correctly, which is implausible. He is probably far off in the distance of this card, driving a go-cart in circles, and asking any mini-lion that passes if he knows how to get to the “endzone x-press.”

Did you know?
Even when running uncontested to the incorrect endzone, Barry Sanders would always get caught from behind at the five-yard line.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That was hysterical!