Friday, September 15, 2006

Classic card of the week




*Special Friday edition
Todd Philcox, 1992 NFL Pro Set

Sure, the easy joke here, as Todd Philcox lays his hands underneath the crotch area of a miscellaneous 300 lb man, is, “Hey – they didn’t call him Philcox for nothin’.” But Todd Philcox was more than an easy joke – he was a very complicated, drawn-out joke, who, in his two seasons leading up to 1992, had a quarterback rating of 16.3, making him the Brett Favre of his day. Of course, the biggest mystery surrounding Todd Philcox relates directly to this card, and the question that has plagued the minds of football fans for over a decade: Is he posing? Some have speculated that Cleveland wideout Michael Jackson was experimenting with the first “wide receiver cam,” which would have been, obviously, well ahead of its time. However, Philcox does not appear to be calling out any sort of play. Instead, he stares into the camera with a look that says, “I’m Todd Philcox, bitches. Now watch me fumble this snap.” Then again, if one were to pose for a football card during an actual game, a good time to do that would be during the fourth quarter of a preseason game against the fourth-string defense of the Seattle Seahawks, which is when Todd Philcox experienced most of his reps. Or better yet, this card could have been reenacted in an actual studio, with out-focus orange Browns’ fans and a big, prop, white ass thrown in for effect. We may never know the true answer. But lest we laugh at the career of one Todd Philcox, do know this: Todd Philcox, as the back of the card elaborates, filled in for an injured Bernie Kosar in Week 4 of the 1992 season, and subsequently “led the Browns to victory against the Raiders.” After the game, Raiders’ running back Bo Jackson, under the impression that the opposing quarterback’s name was Phil Cox, was quoted as saying, “We couldn’t get our hands on Cox all day long.”

Did you know?
After rushing for a touchdown in the aforementioned Raiders game, Todd Philcox jumped into Cleveland’s famed “Dawg Pound,” only to be tossed back onto the field.

1 comment:

Prop Ass said...

I thought the pain of this was behind me. Years of therapy and re-building my self esteem are all just shot to hell now. Yes - I am the prop ass...so round...white...plump...juicy...luscious even. I can tell you that having Cox near my ass was memorable if not pleasurable. The day was humid. Sweat dripped from my brow. And then....well I'm sure you don't need all the glorious details. I will tell you that it ended in a photo studio with Cox and I high fiving. Watch my whole story on the E! THS - Has Been Props and Ass - airing soon.