Classic card of the week

1996, Glenallen Hill, “Metal Universe” series

“And on the seventh day, God created Glenallen Hill.” Of course, that’s what the Bible would have you believe. But as you can see, Glenallen Hill was actually formed during a nuclear explosion of sunlight, lightening, and gaseous fumes, all of which (obviously) gave him extreme super powers. And if you don’t believe me, check out his 15 home runs in 1993. One of my favorite things about this particular card – besides the fact that it is, quite possibly, the ugliest card ever made, and generally ridiculous – is the expression on Glenallen’s face. If you look at it real quick, you would think a determined Glenallen Hill is about to steal a base. But if you look closer, it appears as though he’s about to cry (check the bottom lip). One thing’s for sure though – he is NOT happy that several rays of metallic light have just burst through his chest cavity. And who can blame him, really? Also, Glenallen Hill blasted 16 home runs as member of the Yankees in 2000, which was motivation for Yankee announcer John Sterling to coin his famous phrase, “Have you had your fill, of Glenallen Hill?” This was a rhetorical question to the opposing pitcher, but as everyone knows, it’s impossible to have enough of Glenallen Hill, because he always leaves you wanting more. He’s funny like that.

Did you know?
A recent poll suggested that 99.9 percent of humanity stopped collecting baseball cards after they saw this card.