Internet stuff of the week
WHO LEGALIZED FIREWORKS IN NJ?
TECHNICALLY CHRIS CHRISTIE BUT THANKS A LOT, OBAMA
IMMA CALL THE COPS IN ABOUT 5 MINUTES.
ON CHRIS CHRISTIE? OK. GOOD, ACTUALLY
IF UR KIDS ARE LIGHTING FIREWORKS AT 10:30, MAKE THEM STOP.
MARTHA, HANK, ANGELINAQUIN-- QUIT YER BLASTIN' AND GET INSIDE! SOMEONE ON NEXTDOOR IS GETTIN' UPSET AND I'LL BE DARNED IF MY CHIL'REN TARNISH MY OTHERWISE STERLING ONLINE REPUTATION
IF YOU'RE DOING IT, UR A LOWLIFE.
IN THE BUSINESS THIS IS CALLED GETTING SZALECKI'D. YA' BURNT, LOWLIFES
PEOPLE GOT WORK!
DAMN RIGHT I'M DRAGGING ASS, BILL. WAS UP ALL NIGHT WRITING A POST TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR ABOUT HOW I'M GOING TO CALL THE COPS IN FIVE MINUTES
"WOW, THAT MASSIVE ATHLETE WAS LARGER THAN I REALIZED." -- ME, AFTER VIEWING THIS POST AND [PICS]
BOYZ II MEN REMIX
SOMEONE GET ARLENE A COLD GLASS OF WATER, DANG
"EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A FILTER, THE WATER RUNS WARM" ???
DID YOU SET YOUR FILTER TO "COLD?"
OUR BRITA IS SET TO "MEDIUM SPICY"
TWO DAYS AGO I RECEIVED A NOTICE FROM NJ AMERICAN WATER ABOUT HOW LOCAL RESIDENTS SHOULD REDUCE THEIR USAGE DURING THIS HEAT WAVE AND HERE IS ARLENE WASTING WATER "WAITING FOR A LITTLE BIT COLD" I MEAN HAVE YOU HEARD OF A GD REFRIGERATOR
ARLENE: YOU'RE A MECHANIC, CAN YOU INSPECT THE WATER TEMPERATURE OF MY KITCHEN SINK
NAPA AUTO PARTS CASHIER: UHHHH ... YEAH I GUESS, BUT IT'LL BE LIKE, $500 JUST TO COME OUT THERE
ARLENE: WHATEVER IT TAKES
ME, 1986: POP, WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO HAVE AN ANGEL IN YOUR ARMS
POP: FOR SHIT'S SAKE I'M TRYING TO WATCH THIS, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING MY SCOTCH
MOUNTAIN WISDOM
IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE ASKED GUY FIERI WHAT HE THINKS OF THE FOODS
"OK I'LL DO THIS BUT GET READY CAUSE IT'S GONNA BE JUST LIKE ME- BRASH AND A LITTLE BIT EXTREME, HERE GOES:
1. MEATS
2. SAUCES
3. FISH (OFF THE HOOK *LITERALLY* HA HA, WRITE THAT DOWN THAT I SAID THAT)
4. CHEESE
5. NUTS
6. OTHER KINDS OF MEATS
7. SNACKS
8.
9. BREADS
10. HORS DE'OEUVRES
11. PROTEIN
12. SOFT PRETZELS
13. DRINKS
14. WHALE BLUBBER? HONESTLY I DON'T EVEN THINK THERE ARE 16 FOODS
15. CALORIES
16. TRISCUITS"
I'M SURE SOMEONE ALREADY SUGGESTED THIS BUT HAVE YOU CALLED THE WOBBLY WATER SLIDE HANDYMEN ON ROUTE 9
THEIR MOTTO IS "GOT WOBBLY WATER SLIDE?"
YA KNOW LIKE THE OLD MILK AD LOL
ANYWAY TELL 'EM MIKE SENT YA
RAN OVER A COYOTE WITH HER MOPED, WHAT EVEN IS THIS
I WASN'T GOING TO CLICK ON THIS GRAMMATICAL NIGHTMARE OF A TEASER LINK BUT I WAS SWAYED BY THE PROMISE OF [PICS]
WHERE IS THE REAL COOL GRANDMA
PUTTING OUT AN APB ON REAL COOL GRANDMA
IF ANYONE HAS ANY LEADS, CONTACT THE HAPPY GRANDMA FACEBOOK PAGE
THANK YOU AND GODSPEED REAL COOL GRANDMA
#PRAY4RCG
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