Monday, April 03, 2017

April Fools from school

Our oldest daughter had a school project related to April Fools' Day. The assignment: "Write about a time you tricked someone. Then, draw a picture." Let's check in.





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Strong start. There are few things our daughter loves to do more than draw. If I were to list her favorite things, “drawing” would be top three, easy. Except, apparently, when it’s part of an actual school activity. When confronted with the question of why she didn’t draw a picture, she said that she did but it’s, uh, invisible, a claim as true as the story that follows. In her defense, trying to capture this story in picture form would have been … difficult.


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on April Fools day me and my sister went into the bathroom   When the toilet seat was down and put it up and when my mom and dad went to the bathroom they fell in the toilet and when my mom called us we came and she punished us for a week then two days later she realizes that it was april Fools day.

This story has more glaring plot holes than it does massive toilet holes. For one thing, it assumes that my wife and I use the same toilet at the same time. If that were the case, which it’s not (unless you count this), you’d think at least one of us would have realized the toilet seat was up prior to sitting down:

“Good luck going to the bathroom, Babe, I love youooOOO STOP, THE SEAT IS UP” (reaches out to save her, but it’s too late)

Finally, this story—is it even worth mentioning that the teacher was expecting a true story? No, right? I won’t mention it—assumes that falling into the toilet is a descent into a dark abyss. Something like a well, I guess. Baby Jessica scenario. In which case, how did my wife call the girls and punish them? Did they help us out of the toilet well or nah? Why did it take my wife two days to realize this event happened on April Fools' Day? And did that realization quell her anger and reduce the punishment? Like, Oh dang, you kids got me. Here I am getting upset in this dark well of sewage from which I cannot emerge, but I didn't realize it was April Fools' Day when we fell down here. The only emotion I am feeling now is respect and admiration for my clever children. So many questions.

Thank goodness this wasn't one of the school projects the teacher hangs inside the classroom or, worse, outside the classroom on the hallway walls. We had parent-teacher conferences a few weeks ago and we cringed when we saw our daughters' artwork hanging for all to see, as we're never quite sure what they've managed to produce. "MY FAVORAT FOOD IS DOG POOP HA HA HA UNDERWARE UNDERWARE (picture of dog poop wearing underwear)" Anyway, my biggest takeaway from this project—other than the fact that our girls are very weird and, in combination with other instances which I'll refrain from detailing here, mildly obsessed with toilets—was that our daughter does not know the difference between a trick and a terrible prank. So that's our next parenting lesson. Once someone helps us out of this toilet.

3 comments:

troy said...

I hate when (generic) you tell a story about your kids and the person you're telling, rather than making a germane comment in response, preferably about how your kid is a genius hero, tells you a story about THEIR kid. Um ... but let me tell you a story about my kid. He was about to turn 3. We woke up, and I told him there was an elf in the backyard or some shit. After he looked, I said, of course, April Fools. Then I told him his real name was I don't remember what, and that the name by which we'd been calling him was not. Then I said April Fools. Then I explained the concept of the April Fools joke. He listened, and he thought for a bit, presumably coming up with his own April Fools joke. And then he turned back to me and said "You're not my real father."

mkenny59 said...

Well that, my friend, is a story worth telling! I mean, about to turn 3?! That is amazing. I hope my girls have that sense of wit by their 20s. Kids, amirite???

troy said...

Hold on, I'm trying to remember what comes next. Oh yeah! This is the part where the last one in the room realizes what he's done and, shamefaced, turns the spotlight back to you, when it never should have left in the first place! I love this part!