Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Spam email of the week

Subject: YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE NEEDED FOR INVESTMENT OF 42.5M

OK. I am dope at investing. (dopeinvesting.com, promo code “2dope”)

Dear Friend.

“Friend” need not be capitalized; that should be a comma or colon, not a period; I am not your friend. Other than that, solid start.

RE-42,500,000.00(FOURTH TWO MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND EURO) INVESTMENT.

Technically it’s negative fourth two million, five hundred thousand euro, but I don’t want to be that guy.

I wish this proposals will not embarrass you as I had no previous correspondence with you.

I’m not sure why I would be embarrassed since “this proposals” was your idea and also (falls down stairs, pants fall down, farts, gets up, brushes self off, elongated fart) … Go on.

I am Mr.Ali Rohit,a Libyan nationality. My objective is to establish a viable business relationship with you.

Objective: met. I just sent you a link to Go To Meeting. Let’s get our business relationship on.

I was a member of Late.Col.Muammar Gaddafi 's regime. At the peak of rebel attack against our Government, it was unanimously agreed that every member of the cabinet fought to ensure we were not humiliate out of power,

You seem hella obsessed with not being humiliated. I respect that, and will treat this email with dignity on my blog.

Col. Muammar Gaddafi: OK guys, looks like we’re gonna lose this rebel attack. But let’s not go out humiliating ourselves, m’kay?

Mr. Ali Rohit: Sure thing, boss! (salutes, pants fall down, elongated fart)

Rebel attackers: LOL

Col. Muammar Gaddafi: Sheesh, Rohit. I mean really.

but at last the superior power of NATO some how disorganized our war plan. Hence the need for every one to stamped for safety.

“Welcome to the safety zone, please form a line. Ladies free until 10 p.m., two-drink minimum, no weapons. (stamps hand of attractive girl) ’Sup girl."

And to hide or take refuge in any opportunity. Whilst am yet in a hide out since then trying to find my way out of Libya territory.

Can’t find the way out of Libya, SOML. I don’t know why that place isn’t on a grid, for real.

But my most predicament

#mostpredicament

is the available cash (Ђ42,500,000.00) at my disposal which I am willing to part to or your organization in OVERSEA

I’m not sure if you are stating that America is across the ocean from Libya or asking me to oversee the investment, but either way this is a big ‘ol [sic] made more enjoyable by the fact that you’ve yelled it.

there so you could invest it wisely into viable and profit yielding venture in your country. It is my cogent believe that the profit so accrued from the investment placement annually may be plough back to me for upkeep in any place or country I may finally granted refuge.

Farmer 1: (chewing on piece of straw) I’ll say there, fella, looks like your harvest might have yielded third, fourth million euro this year. You’re working hard there, I see …

Farmer 2: I’ll say, pard’ner. (spits out tobacco). Trying to plough this investment crop all the way to Libya.

Farmer 1: I’ll be darned. I reckon that’s OVERSEA, ain’t that right?

Farmer 2: I say you reckon correct, dear friend. 

I am ready to dialogue

Did you not get the Go To Meeting link? Can emails travel OVERSEA? Ugh this is my most predicament.

2 comments:

troy said...

So ... would you say, then, that he's got 99 problems but €42 million is definitely number one ... of them? See, this is why I'm not a rapper (anymore).

mkenny59 said...

Getting out of Libya seems like a solid number two. Humiliation number three. Anyway, I feel like we could get a dope chorus out of this. I'll rap; you rock.