Spam email of the week

Subject: hi

This email is about hi LOL subject header much? Pfft. Seriously though, hi.

Hello man!

Hello … woman? Fingers crossed!

You look amazing!

Thanks! I woke up like this. Sitting at a computer in my underwear with mad eye boogers responding to spam emails while my children demand “breakfast” … ha ha … children. So like, you can see me through the compu-

Let me introduce myself!

No need! You’re “Lauren House,” a.k.a. but I should reply to so I know you’re like ... one of those things!

I am Olga from Russia!

Or: Olga.

I am looking for a caring, self-confident man for a normal communication and serious relationship! I suppose that you have all of these qualities!

My mom always said: When you suppose, you make an ass out of you and me. But in this particular case, you happen to be RIGHT ON, Olga. I am caring, self-confident, and—correct me if I’m wrong—but I’m preeeeeeety sure we’re already off and running with normal communication. I mean, what’s more normal than this, Olga from Russia? Ha ha … do they have sarcasm in Russia? Also, what is Russia? Anyway, my answer is yes, let’s go steady.

I hope to hear from you soon!

Are you not getting any of this?