Thursday, February 27, 2014

Spam email of the week



Subject: QUAYLE - 2016 BUMPER STICKERS NOW AVAILABLE



Cool! What?



Dear Mr. FVP Quayle, 

Please run for President in 2016.



I uh … I’m not sure I’m supposed to have recei-



I can sense the media people now realize the days of cracking ignorant jokes at your and quite frankly everyone's expense are long gone.



Pretty sure those jokes were only at Dan Quayle’s expense. Also they are long gone because they happened 22 years ago. The days of taking pot shots at Caligula’s barbarism are long gone. Okay, it’s safe to come out now, Caligula!



Two days ago I sent these proposed bumper stickers by email to about 300 newspaper publishers, editors and reporters in Indiana just to see what the response would be. I only received one negative reply from someone who was an obvious Obama supporter.



I’m not sure ignoring ridonk bumper sticker-related emails counts as an endorsement. Nevertheless, it’s official – Dan Quayle has taken Indiana! Only 49 more to go!



Thank you for being the kind of person that you are.



Are you talking to me or Dan Quayle? (Amazingly, that is not the first time I have asked that. Long story.)


  QUAYLE - 2016   
SINCERE, HONEST, SMART, EXPERIENCED, HUMBLE
   HELLO MY FRIENDS, WE MEET AGAIN   


He’s the fifth one because he was constantly accused of not being the third one. Also I am not your friend.


  QUAYLE - 2016 
HAD YOU RATHER MISSPELLED POTATO
   THAN LEARNED TO SPELL OBAMA?   


Makes no sense.

   QUAYLE - 2016   
OF COURSE "HE'S NO JFK"
 HE'S MR. FAMILY VALUES 


Dan Quayle: not the president who died 50 years ago. Also not an adulterer? I don’t know.


      CANDICE BERGEN      
PUBLICLY ADMITTED
 "QUAYLE WAS RIGHT"  


wtf. I seriously want to put this bumper sticker on my car.


 THE WASHINGTON POST...
"QUAYLE WAS RIGHT"
  RIGHT THEN - RIGHT NOW- THE RIGHT CHOICE  


Right about what? The capital of Arkansas? Global warming? The winner of the The Voice Season 2? It’s almost like this bumper sticker is taking something out of context.


 QUAYLE - 2016  
DAN'S THE MAN WITH THE PLAN WHO CAN
     WIN FOR AMERICA!    

This one rhymes.

 QUAYLE - 2016 
THE BEST CANDIDATE WE'VE SEEN IN 25 YEARS
  SO THE JOKE'S ON WHO.....LENO?  

Seriously what the hell is going on? Is this the Dan Quayle Worldwide Tour of Bumper Sticker Revenge For Perceived Slights? Will no one be spared?

Candice Bergen
JFK
The Washington Post
Jay Leno
Oliver North
Amelia Earhart
Sinbad
Mr. Belvedere

   QUAYLE - 2016  
LET'S ALL THANK GOD FOR GIVING US
 MR. FAMILY VALUES 

Yes, let’s.

  GOT QUAYLE ?  
2016
   YOU GOT THE RIGHT ONE BABY   

Got Milk reference circa 1993 + Pepsi commercial reference circa 1991 + bumper sticker campaign = relevant presidential candidate circa 2016

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

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