Thursday, March 31, 2011
Classic card of the week
Charles Johnson, 1996 Fleer METAL UNIVERSE series
The way I figure it, one of three things is going on here with this card.
a) The umpire on this particular day is a huge, horned, cartoon beast, who is either coming on to Charles Johnson, or teaching him a new catching technique that involves claws.
b) A huge, horned, cartoon beast has, unbeknownst to Charles Johnson, eaten the umpire, in which case—watch out Charles Johnson!
c) This card is stupid.
This is part of Fleer’s extremely popular-with-the-kids and very sensical “METAL UNIVERSE” series, because who wants to live in a universe without metal? Not me, that’s for sure. Also, metal and baseball go hand-in-hand like Pittsburgh and fashion. And, when one thinks of metal, the first thing this hypothetical person thinks about, besides metal, is a huge, horned, cartoon beast-like creature. Then, his mind travels to these guys!
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “I can read about Charles Johnson on Mike’s other blog that he writes for that I check out all the time because he is my favorite writer who writes about old stupid baseball cards—I wish I could pay him for this! But what I really want to know is, who did the pencils and CGI for this card?”
Would you believe me if I told you that the same person did the pencils and CGI for this card? No? You wouldn’t believe me? Then you are way too skeptical, my good friend!
Indeed, the renowned “C. Chambers” executed the pencils and CGI here. What are “pencils?” I don’t know, but they look awesome. The reclusive C. Chambers, as you may know, also did the computer graphic imaging for the popular Pixar movie, Metal Universe, which was a mockumentary about a frog who lives in outer space and has arthritis.
Speaking of baseball, please also take note of the manly image on the back lower right of this card, which features several metal wheel thingies.
This seems to imply that this card was forged in a factory, produced and imprinted via a system of metal pulleys and levers, amidst suffocating exhaust smoke and loud clanging. Several good, company men didn’t make it out of the factory as a result; one guy lost a foot. Then, after realizing that nobody would want a metal baseball card, Fleer took the card to a postmodern office building downtown, scanned it to cardboard, added some computer graphics and then sold it on the Internet.
Miles away—their efforts and sacrifices rendered meaningless—several men stained with soot, shook their fists in the air in hopeless desperation, screaming, “Neeeeeeeerds!”
Did you know?
Metal is classified as Cb (cardboard) on the Period Table of Elements.