Thursday, March 10, 2011

Classic card of the week


Denny Neagle, 1991 Fleer Ultra Prospects series

Hi, Denny Neagle! Smell your armpits? Sure! I’ll do anything to get close to a classic, young fireballer.



Denny is not the classic, young fireballer.

The classic, young fireballer is a British man in his mid-twenties who pitches for the Englishtown Blokes and wears a monocle. Or, this guy. Denny Neagle—you continue to go against the grain, you 6’4,” 200 lb Caucasian pitcher who grew up in a Maryland suburb and played baseball your whole life!

He is no bonus baby.

Darn tootin’! That’s probably because the bonus baby rule was abolished in 1965. But still. Denny Neagle didn’t even earn a salary. He pitched for pride. And money, most of which he distributed to the poor and other big honkies facing similar obstacles coming up through the system.

He has advance {sic} quickly through the Twins organization for one reason.

His dad is Jeremiah Neagle, owner of Neagle’s Cadillac in Minneapolis and major shareholder of the Minnesota Twins?

He can plain pitch.

Bam! Take that, somebody! Question though: How does one pitch without a fireball?

His full repertoire of pitches includes a solid fastball and a slider that act as the set-up for his big-league change-up.

Yawn.

Out of the University of Minnesota, where he helped lead his alma mater to the Big-Ten title,

This phraseology makes it sound as though Denny Neagle graduated from the University of Minnesota, and then returned later against NCAA rules to lead them to the Big-Ten title. I think this premise would make for a great and hilarious movie starring Vince Vaughn as a former college pitcher who never reached his full potential, and thus decides to reenroll—because he’s fed up with his job in the real world—at State University as a foreign exchange student in order to play baseball again. And hey, who knows—maybe there’s a love connection between him and the skeptical school reporter who sees a strong resemblance between Frederick VonSlogen and Gil McCarter, the best pitcher the University ever had. Also, there is a fat, clumsy, but endearing friend played by Jonah Hill, who steals the show, and your heart! The movie will be called, “Old School.” Or, “Fireball!”

Anyway, Wikipedia has more to add. The Cliff Notes: Twins, Pirates, Braves, Reds, Yankees, Rockies, prostitute, Devil Rays, prostitute, arrest, steroids, blah, blah, blah. Familiar, generic story. Read if you’d like. Me? I have a screenplay to write.

Did you know?
Denny Neagle's armpits smell like cheese and Fabreze.

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