Thursday, December 09, 2010

Classic card of the week


Dmitri Young, 1991 Upper Deck

Dmitri Young is a Top Prospect. Don’t believe me? Ask Dmitri, seen here menacingly brandishing a baseball bat in the direction of all those who do not believe he is a Top Prospect. I’m sold. More:



Young hit .564 in high school baseball in Alabama – and that was as a seventh grader.

I feel like that needs a little more explanation. At least more than "no explanation," which is what this card provides. I thought you had to be in high school to play high school sports? Are there no rules in Alabama? Man, I would hate to be the last kid cut on that team:

Manager: Jimmy, step over here for a sec.

Jimmy: Sure. What’s up, skip?

Manager: Jimmy, I realize you’re a senior now, and that you’ve been patiently riding the bench for the past three years in the hopes of one day getting into an actual game. But the thing is, you’re cut.

Jimmy: What? Why?

Manager: You see that kid over there, blasting home runs? He’s gonna be with us this season.

Jimmy: Who, Dmitri? But he’s in seventh grade! I used to babysit for him, like, two weeks ago!

Manager: I know, but he’s awesome.

Jimmy: That’s not fair! I want to be on the team!

Manager: Well, you should have thought before you decided to be not so good at baseball.

I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising. Dmitri Young is only six-years old on the front of this card, and he just finished a 3-for-4 afternoon during an over-30 Alabama Legion ball game.

In his back pocket, he carries a hitting guide he wrote titled,

“Playing High School Baseball When You’re Two Years Removed From Eligibility For Dummies.” No?

“Dmitri’s Approach to Hitting .300” and believe Rule No. 2: “I can hit anyone.”

That’s less of a rule than it is a motivational pick-me-up. I was thinking more along the lines of “Keep your elbow up.” Whatever. Rule No. 1 is “Hit .300” and Rule No. 8 is “Macaroni & cheese,” which is actually the password to his friend’s tree house. Remember—he is six-years old.

Dmitri Young later attempted to have his approach to hitting guidelines published in order to help young kids learn how to hit .300. In his rewrite, Rule No. 2 was, “Dmitri Young can hit anyone,” which didn’t seem like it would help the local youth, but his manuscript was accepted anyway and became a national best-seller. It was eventually purchased as a screenplay, the title was shortened to “300,” and it became a hit movie in which Hollywood took many liberties. Dmitri Young didn’t mind. His abs looked great.

Did you know?
Because his high school team always ate out after wins, Dmitri Young became famous for his pre-game motivational speeches, in which he stepped on the dugout bench and screamed, “Tonight, we dine in GRAND BUFFET!”

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