Thursday, December 02, 2010

Classic card of the week



I was flipping through a stack of sports cards as usual in my attempt to find one to post here. I came across this.

I really don’t know how this got in there. I did NOT collect Batman cards. Promise. However, it should be mentioned that I was very much into the original Batman movie. I remember that not long after it came out, I dragged my mom to the Brunswick Square Mall and convinced her to buy me a white t-shirt that had just the Joker’s face on it.

I wisely decided to wear my new shirt for the first time on a Saturday, so that I could wear it all day and not just for the allotted five hours after Catholic school and before bed. To boot, I got my haircut that morning. Could I have looked better, riding my red bike around the neighborhood with a fresh cut, rocking a new Joker t-shirt that draped beautifully over my lanky, 70-lb frame, while listening to the latest Jodeci song on my walkman? I don’t think so.

Anyway, as if I don’t already know, let’s see what’s going here:



Crazy Jack trains a gun on Grissom’s belly, gestures him over to an empty chair.

"Trains" a gun? I can only infer this means that the Joker taught a gun how to be a gun while on top of Grissom's belly. I find that disturbing.

“YOU SET ME UP” the freakish crook shouts. “Over a girl. You must be insane.”


Girls. Pfft. Am I right? Anytime a deranged acid-faced clown and a seedy underworld crook are engaged in an tiff, you can bet a girl is involved. Grissom's got 99 problems...make that 100.

Grissom cautiously reaches for a desk drawer. Jack catches sight. “Don’t bother.”


He probably should bother, no? What's the worst that can happen?

“Your life won’t be worth spit!” Grissom nervously harks back.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that a career criminal who has been horribly disfigured after landing in a canister of hot acid, and has thus taken on the form of a demented clown, probably doesn’t care much what his life is worth anyway. Just saying.

Jack is quite philosophical about this. “I been dead once already. It’s very liberating—You have to think of it as therapy.”

See?

Grissom begins to panic. He tries to make a deal with Napier…but the reborn criminal mastermind has other plans.

We have to wait for the next card to see what those other plans are. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who has yet to see this 1989 movie, or has no background on Batman, but let's just say that Grissom does not -- how shall I put this? -- live. Because he dies. Because The Joker kills him. I think that's what the card meant when it screamed, "NO DEALS, GRISSOM!" This stuff is pretty violent. I think that's why I stayed away from comic books. And girls.

Did you know?

I have never felt less cool.

3 comments:

mkenny59 said...

I had to post a comment here just so Comic Book Guy's quote made sense. In doing that, I made this post even sadder.

Charles @ Hoopography said...

I loved those Batman cards when they came out and have a ton of them. Jack was the best as the Joker. Cool card. Fun post!!!

What's sadder, the writer of the blog posting the first comment to his own poster, or a fellow blogger admitting he has a bunch of Batman cards?

Bill said...

This is great! I really wish I could find a similar themed card I somehow possess - one from a series depicting key moments in Termintor 2.