Thursday, October 07, 2010

Classic card of the week


Chris Zorich, 1991 NFL Pro Set

I don’t think that, as a society, we’ve given the half-shirt football jersey its just due.

We certainly can’t just pretend that this trend never happened. As evidenced here, the half-shirt football jersey was championed by such champions as Chris Zorich, who –- a quick Google image search will confirm –- didn’t rock the half-shirt during only practices and scrimmages. After all, 1990 LOMBARDI AWARD WINNERS aren’t typically shy about showing off their belly buttons.

Not that Zorich was the only one. The late 80s and early 90s witnessed a bevy of football players -– frustrated with layers upon layers of protective apparel that failed to adequately expose their natural physique -– paying homage to their most manly of man parts. That part being their stomach, so appealing to the opposite sex by virtue of the grizzled strip of hair leading from the belly button and down into an abyss of additional manhood.

In Zorich’s particular case, the half-shirt football jersey screamed, “I may be a nose tackle, but that doesn’t mean a have a gut. Check out my tummy!” And everyone did check out his tummy, unwittingly, each and every Saturday. This was a boost to not only female sensibilities, but also to male fans of teams like Notre Dame, which did not traditionally print names on the backs of jerseys. Who’s number 50? I have no idea, but I’d recognize that male landing strip anywhere!

Because the underage factory workers who produce and manufacturer Notre Dame football jerseys in a small village community off the Brazilian coast do not typically cut the jerseys in half for no apparent reason, Chris Zorich was forced to break out the scissors himself. This he did as a means of not only looking fabulous, but also to pay homage to past Notre Dame greats like Paul Hornung, and Rudy, who never thought they’d live to see a day where they wouldn’t be persecuted for playing football half-naked.

Let’s find out more.



I am immensely disappointed that Chris Zorich did not also rock the half-shirt tuxedo top, as I believe the half-shirt tuxedo top would be the only appropriate apparel to wear in order to accept an award as beautiful as the Lombardi Trophy. Here is your giant piece of cork on a stick. Now go put some clothes on.

Did you know?
The term "male landing strip" received an unprecedented NC17 rating from the editors of this blog.

2 comments:

SpastikMooss said...

The placement of that cork makes me think of dick in a box. Zorich was clearly a genius before his time, and Andy Samberg/Justin Timberlake stole his idea!

Bill said...

From the minute the Chicago Bears made Zorich take the field in a full-length jersey, his great footballing powers were lost. Well, either that or he wasn't a very good pro-level player. I guess we'll never know....