Classic card of the week

Jerome Kersey, 1993-94 Topps Stadium Club

Here is Jerome Kersey executing a slam-dunk. Feel the excitement. Undoubtedly, point guard Rod Strickland has driven the lane, thus drawing multiple defenders, and subsequently dished off to a wide open Jerome Kersey, who was standing on the block, and who then proceeded to jump as high as six inches in the air in order to dunk uncontested while letting out a half-hearted scream of dominance. Clear this area which has already been cleared! Jerome Kersey’s ‘bout to get his dunk on!

There are a few interesting things going on with this card. And by “interesting,” I mean stupid. For starters, the font of the “K” on the front makes it look like an “H,” so the uninformed onlooker may feel as though he or she was just dunked on by a man named Hersey. Hersey Johnson. Hersey Johnson is a person I made up, but who I Googled for fun and who I discovered is, among other things, one half of a charcoal grey sweatshirt-making team. Luckily for me, I grew up idolizing Portland Trailblazers power forwards, and so I knew it was Jerome Kersey the whole time.

Please also notice on the bottom left a weird, compass-type thingee that contains the letters “HC” and also other alphabetical letters, like “G” and “O” and “U.” It’s uncertain if even more letters are there but have simply run off into the black background, which could be a graphic error, or a clue, and if you use a magnifying glass with 3-D plastic glasses, you will uncover the code that reveals that Jerome Kersey urges you to drink your Ovaltine.

It is also uncertain what the freakin’ heck these letters mean, but if anyone has any ideas, please let me know because it’s honestly starting to bother me. The “HC Compass” is also contained on the back of the card, minus the other letters. It’s unfortunate that no one was using their creative compass when creating this compass, and stopped to say, “Wait—this compass makes no sense!” I mean, I don’t want to make too much out of this, but this compass has ruined my day. A nonsensical compass on a Jerome Kersey basketball card has ruined my day.

In fact, I was thinking about it, and the only possible thing I can think of that would cheer me up would an upside-down night-vision image of Jerome Kersey. Why? I don’t know. I guess I just think it would be kinda cool, and would definitely take my mind off the compass for a while. Alas, where in the world would I-



What? Is that what I think…



Yes!

Did you know?
The Predator version of Jerome Kersey is much more aggressive when urging children to drink their Ovaltine. He sort of demands it.