Spam email of the week

Subject: mike gordon

Mike Gordon is my friend who forwarded this to me. For the sake of this blog post, let’s suppose I am Mike Gordon. Sorry, Mike.

Hi there.


I am new to the site.

What site? Email? Welcome aboard! Better late than never.

I have a busy life with work so I never get to meet any body.

Well you know what they say—it’s impossible to be employed AND forge human connections.

Have you ever met anyone on here before.

Where’s here? Earth? Yes. The Internet? Also yes. I actually met this really cool guy named Mike Ken-

I think you’re cute.

What site are you on again?

Would you like to chat a little.

Sure, why not. Here is my first chat question: Have you ever heard of a question mark?

Would you like to see some pics of me.

Well, since you’ve already somehow seen pics of me, I suppose this makes sense.

You have me feeling kind of naughty

and I’m so lonely.

I was hoping you’d be motivated by a genuine connection, but I suppose taking advantage of your desperate loneliness is just as healthy.

Do you think you can help me.

I’ll try my best. And by best I mean no.

I want to meet you.

OK. My name is Mike Gordon.

We could have amazing sex.

I was thinking coffee but OK.

Don’t believe me.

Again, this has a different meaning without a question mark.

How about I show you some naked pics as proof.

I don’t understand how naked pics are proof that you do amazing sex.

(views pics)


Take a look I dare you.

I have accepted your dare and now it’s your turn. Eat a booger LOL this is fun.

My profile is Hyacinth9366. I bet once you see my pics you’ll want to have some fun.

At the risk of spoiling this fairy tale for all of my reader(s) out there, let’s just say her new profile is Hyacincth9366 Gordon. Wow, so this is love …