Everyone, meet Adrian.
Adrian is the “medium of the year.” Since this is not capitalized, I’m left to assume this is NOT an actual award doled out at the annual Medium of the Year convention in Bloomington, IL (for which the winners are all known in advance, obvs, lol, sorry not sorry, j/k), but a self-serving proclamation. Either way, I am sold.
One hundred percent is a LOT of free, and it’s a wonder Adrian can make a living off such an offer. It’s more likely than not that this scarf-wearing, Tom-Brady-ass-looking-mo-fo has a side gig as a male model. I bet all of his modeling clothes are size medium DON’T TOUCH ME I’M ON FIRE RIGHT NOW.
Of these I prefer Mentalist Master, which sounds like the title of a Jeru the Damaja track and/or a job title I literally just added to my resume.
Everything seemed to be going well until the turn there. “My clairvoyance is extremely powerful, and this FRENCH WORDS NEEDLESS SPACE COLON”
This is crazy—I was just thinking about my sentimental situation RIGHT NOW. Am I sentimental enough? Am I receiving enough sentiment from others? Did I cry enough when Bing-Bong died in Inside Out? These questions and more are causing me mad stress, son. If only there was a video I could cop/watch …
If there’s a more smoldering medium in the universe than Adrian, I’ve yet to meet him. Even the planets that give Adrian his powers are like, “Dang, is it hot in here or is that the sun?”
“If you would like to unsubscribe from emails about Adrian the Smoldering Prophet, please contact Georges Heynard in Hong Kong.” Makes sense.
Anyway, this was good ... this was fun.