Thursday, May 17, 2012

Classic card of the week


Ricky Jordan, 1989 Score “Young Superstar”

Two quick comments regarding this card: 1) I don’t understand why the Phillies don’t continue to wear these uniforms. And for every game, home or away. They might be the greatest unis MLB ever produced. 2) This card is ridiculously glossy. I assure you that Score did not spare any gloss during the production of this card. So please, rest easy regarding your previous concerns about: is there enough gloss on this card?

You’ll never convince me that expectations for Ricky Jordan were not at least partially raised because of his last name. And when I say that I am referring to my own expectations for him, specifically as it relates to the acquisition of his baseball cards, which has proven to be a lukewarm investment, gloss surplus aside. If the Phillies organization spent a first round pick on him because they subconsciously thought he was going to mirror Michael Jordan’s accomplishments, but in baseball, or because they thought he was literally related to Michael Jordan as if “Jordan” is not a common last name—I totally did not think/hope that for a little while—then the Phillies are stupid. Ricky Jordan was not Michael Jordan. He was, in actuality, a hybrid of Michael Jordan and Ricky Henderson who was super fast and hit slam dunk home runs and who was awesome but said weird things.

So that’s my scouting report. How about yours, Score?

Ricky is a big, strong right-handed hitter who swings the bat well.

That is interesting, and includes tons of information I could totally not draw on my own simply by seeing Ricky Jordan literally one time!

Score: Okay, what do we got on Ricky Jordan?

Score scout: Let’s see here … flipping through notes … Well, he’s definitely as big as his height and weight listed here would suggest, I can tell ya’ that! Also, got affirmation that he IS, in fact, right-handed. No doubt about that. Also, he looks pretty strong to me. And he swings the bat well.

Score: So you’re saying, as opposed to many of the up-and-coming young baseball hitters we analyze, he does not swing the bat weirdly and awkwardly, as if he has never played baseball before?

Scout: That is exactly what I’m saying.

Score: Pretends to write down notes while staring blankly back at scout.

He looks like a natural at bat, and had some big hits in his half season as a regular in ’88.

Scout: He’s like Robert Redford out there! Except that he’s African American and, as previously mentioned … checks notes just to be sure … right-handed. Plus he’s already had some big hits for the Phillies!

Score: You do realize that “scouting reports” are traditionally filed before the player reaches the majors, and are supposed to contain useful information …

Ricky has a slick glove and good range.

Scout: Speaking of useful information, did I mention he has a slick glove and good range? Because he does.

Score: Now you’re just saying things.

Scout: Can I be honest?

Score: Yes.

Scout: I’ve only seen a picture of him. He’s Michael Jordan’s cousin though, right?

4 comments:

troy said...

Did you get that from somewhere -- "Now you're just saying things"? Or did you make that up?

mkenny59 said...

Although it DOES sound somewhat familiar now that you've singled it out, no -- I wasn't intentionally referencing anything when I wrote that phrase. Is it from something?

troy said...

I don't think so. And so I salute you. It's like what Ron Burgundy should have said to Brick but didn't when Brick said "I love lamp."

mkenny59 said...

Wow, you're right - that would've been perfect there. I can actually picture Burgundy saying exactly that, so much so that I'm wondering if he actually did ... and I've watched that movie approximately 28 times.