Thursday, July 07, 2011

Classic card of the week


Jose Lind, 1988 Topps

The future held many things for Jose Lind, as we will soon see. And while stardom based solely on his achievements on fields of play may not have been one of them, we are here talking about him today—the future—on a blog, mostly because one time he drove a car without pants. So there’s that.

Other than predicting future greatness based on four career home runs in five minor league seasons and a .322 batting average in limited time in the bigs based on 143 ABs even though his career minor league average was like .260-something, Topps offers little in the way of information and entertainment. For such things we must turn to Wikipedia:

He also acquired a reputation for whimsical behavior, as one might expect from a man nicknamed "Chico" (Spanish for "Boy") … he often surprised fellow players in the clubhouse by playfully brandishing one of the many knives he kept in his locker.

It’s very much unlike Wikipedia to be inaccurate or misleading, but I think they are confusing “whimsical” with “bizarre and threatening.”

Barry Bonds: Yo Chico, what are you doing, man?

Chico Lind
: Oh, this? I’m just playfully brandishing my knives, while looking at you menacingly from across the locker room.

Bonds: Why do you have knives at your locker?

Lind: In case I want to stab someone. Ha, ha! Just being whimsical, Barry! I’m like a Spanish boy! What do you expect?

Besides, in Wikipedia’s defense, it’s not like Lind had a history or future of violence that Wikipedia would highlight immediately after labeling his knife-brandishing actions as whimsical:

Lind's personal life continued to spiral out of control. Police were called to the home of his ex-wife, Lizza Lind, in July 1996, when he visited in violation of a restraining order and the situation escalated to physical violence, which was witnessed by his daughters, Joyvelisse and Thivizahei Lind. They arrested him for possession of cocaine, and he pled guilty to that charge in February of the next year.


I don’t mean to make light of this terribly awful occurrence, but the end of this statement makes it sound as though his daughters arrested him, which would be awesome, and sounds like it’s from a movie about two daughters who are sick and tired of their dad being a violent idiot, and who decide to take matters into their own hands by training to become assertive cops. The movie is called, “Enough,” starring Jennifer Lopez and someone else. Also, and I don’t want to nitpick, but: “possession of cocaine?” Was that the only charge? What about violating a restraining order and domestic abuse? Just saying.

On November 21, 1997, highway police in Tampa, Florida stopped Lind for leaving the scene of an accident. They discovered that he was visibly intoxicated, and that he had been driving while naked from the waist down. A search of his car revealed seven cans of beer and one gram of cocaine. Lind ended up spending a year in jail.

They arrested him for speeding. Also, pop quiz: What do you think the very next section of Jose Lind’s Wikipedia page is? “Downward Spiral?” “Rehab and Recovery?” “Wake-Up Call?” The answer is: you are wrong.

Managing career

Seamless transition.

Lind underwent rehabilitation to compensate for his addiction,

“Compensate for?”

and after his release from prison he signed with the Bridgeport Bluefish as a player/coach.

Sam Crawford, Bridgeport Bluefish President: Ya’ know what sports needs more of? Player-coaches! A true leader who’s still got some game left, but who can get his feet wet in coaching as well. Saves the team some money, too. I think the Bluefish could use a player/coach.

Arnold Wentworth, Bluefish Vice-President: I’m pretty sure Jose Lind just got out of prison … ?

Crawford: Is that the guy who hit-and-ran while drunk and also while wearing no pants or underwear?

Wentworth: Yes.

Crawford: Call him up.

Did you know?
Driving under the influence without pants in commonly known as DUIWP.

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