Thursday, November 11, 2010

Classic card of the week


Michael Adams, 1992 Stadium Club

Several things immediately stand out about this basketball card. First, Michael Adams is a small man. He is roughly the same size as the referee in the distance -- we all know how small referees are, am I right? Hello? -- and I imagine that the referee will get taller as he gets closer. (I’m no scientist, though.)

It also appears -- and I realize this is a small sample size, in the form of one still shot -- that Michael Adams does not know how to dribble a basketball. The ball is hitting the side of his hand. Plus, I do not understand why he is bouncing the ball so high in the first place. Remove the crowd, keep the knee pads, switch the uniform to a pair of jorts and an oversized t-shirt, and you have a small man playing basketball for the very first time.

But on the contrary:



The always-reliable Sporting News Skills Rating System has Michael Adams’ ball handling skills at a 4.6, which matches his “floor leadership” rating. In those categories, Adams is only 0.4 rating points away from perfection -- Pistol Pete and Norman Schwarzkopf, respectively.

Astoundingly, Adams also attains a 4.8 in “shooting range,” which means he only misses a shot four percent of the time, and there is only four percent of the entire basketball court from which he cannot properly execute a shot. (I am a mathematician.) Now, you may be saying to yourself, “Michael Adams should shoot the ‘j’ all the time!” Ha, ha! Agreed. Thing is, it’s tiring on the little fella. Sayeth Wikipedia:

Renowned for his “push shot,”…

I could not locate a video of this renowned push shot, but I imagine it is a thing of beauty. So here we have Michael Adams, a small man who dribbles high and awkwardly, and shoots a basketball like David Eckstein throws a baseball. Recipe for success?

Yes:

Adams had his best season in 1990-1991, when he averaged 26.5 points (including a 54 point game) and 10.5 assists per game while playing for the Denver Nuggets.

Granted, I realize the Nuggets of the late 80s, early 90s put up, and gave up, All-Star Game-type pointage. Still though. 26.5 points per game? Michael Adams, you can floor me with you leadership any day.

For a more genuine and accurate account of Michael Adams’ vast abilities, see here. For more information on Michael Adams, the English chess Grandmaster, see here. For an unrelated video of a dog doing the Merengue, which, after one-minute, will make you feel as if you just smoked a pound of weed, see here.

Did you know?
Michael Adam's 54-point game was inspired by the movie, "Teen Wolf."

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