Thursday, November 04, 2010
Classic card of the week
Greg Lloyd, NFL A1 Masters of the Grill series
Mmmmmmm, it smells delicious! What is Greg Lloyd cooking up today?
Onion wine sauce? Nice! In my opinion, there is nothing better to do on a beautiful day -- one in which the sky is so blue that it seems to go on forever -- than go over to Greg Lloyd’s house for a barbeque. Greg Lloyd is the type of guy who will toss on his football jersey, an apron, an oven mitt, and a chef’s hat, and invite the entire neighborhood to his house as he cooks a marinade for some delicious steak. (You have to bring the steak though.) There, you can sit in his backyard, admire the vines growing up his gorgeous white lattice, and listen to Greg Lloyd recount graphic stories of grabbing other dudes’ testicles during football games. This is a rite of springtime for all of Greg Lloyd’s neighbors.
Because Greg Lloyd is much more than just a recipe for onion wine sauce, let us consult Wikipedia to discover other details of his personality:
In 2001, Lloyd was accused of sticking a gun in his son's mouth due to the 12-year old's bad grades in school, but two trials in 2004 ended in hung juries and a third was not pursued. In 2002, Lloyd pointed a gun at ex-wife Rhonda Lloyd's head, and he pleaded no contest to simple battery in 2004.
Well, nothing can ruin a Greg Lloyd barbeque quite like getting a C- in social studies. Also, if pointing a gun at a woman’s head is “simple battery,” then I don’t want to know what complicated battery is.
In Greg Lloyd’s defense, here he is, slaving over a hot grill all day, trying to provide onion wine sauce for his family and friends, and you have the nerve to not even study, and to bother him about relationship issues? I mean, c’mon. Even in this very picture, a neighbor of Lloyd’s had approached him in an attempt to get some extra sauce. Said Lloyd:
‘Sup, Bill. More sauce, huh? Margie told me you failed to file those expense reports at work last week. Now I’m gonna smile, because there’s people here. But tell me, what do you want in your mouth—this bottle of A1 steak sauce, or these tongs? Pick a hand.
Let us now return to Wikipedia for what may be my favorite athlete quote ever:
In 1991, Joe Namath then an analyst of NBC accused Lloyd of playing dirty, Lloyd responded by saying "Who is Joe Namath? This is a guy who, if he played in the league today, I'd probably just go hit him late and see what he did, just for the hell of it. Joe Namath can go to hell; he can kiss my ass."
I enjoy how Lloyd asks, “Who is Joe Namath?” rhetorically in an attempt to belittle him, as if Joe Namath isn’t one of the most famous football players ever and also in the Hall of Fame. That he goes on to defend Namath’s criticism of his alleged dirty play by claiming that he would play dirty against Namath is the stuff legends are made of. My favorite part though may be the implication that having Joe Namath kiss his butt supersedes eternal damnation. Joe Namath can go to hell. No, wait. Joe Namath can kiss my ass. Yeah, I said it.
In an attempt to reconcile, Joe Namath once showed up at a Greg Lloyd barbeque with a bowl of homemade potato salad. All was well until Lloyd discovered that Namath had used Miracle Whip instead of Hellman’s Original, and he responded by throwing Namath down a flight of stairs. It was the least-violent Greg Lloyd barbeque ever!
Did you know?
In many eastern cultures, onion wine sauce is believed to cure a hernia.