Classic card of the week

Mike Marshall, 1992 Score

Off we go!

Like some visitors to the Big Apple, Mike did not enjoy his brief stay in ’90.

Hmmm. “Like some visitors?” Looks like somebody spent a wedding anniversary weekend in NYC, spent $315 to park his car in one of those lots where they stack three cars on top of yours, stepped in barf on the subway platform, and couldn’t get a table at Carmine’s after seeing “Cats,” which he thought would have less cats. Still…why you gotta drag Mike Marshall into this? Let’s see how bad Mike Marshall’s time in New York really was.

After being traded in the off-season to the Mets,

Okay, that kinda sucks.

he smashed the seventh grand slam homer of his career and drove in six runs in an 8-3 win over his old team, the Dodgers.

This sounds terrible. I would hate New York too if all I had to base my experience there on was the fact that I once hit a grand slam there for the local team that helped enact revenge against my former team. “This city is the worst!” I would say.

But Mike lost his first base job to Dave Magadan while he was incapacitated with his chronic back problem,

New York’s fault? Yes. In honor of the man who hit a grand slam one day, the Mets should have vacated the position of first base until Mike Marshall healed from his chronic back problem, which probably wouldn’t have healed much, because it was chronic. That’s the first thing. The second thing is that: Should they have been forced –- due to some stupid rule -– to place a different player at first base, and that player miraculously outperformed Mike Marshall, by no means should the Mets have awarded the job to that player while Mike Marshall was incapacitated with back pain -– back pain undoubtedly caused by the high cost of living in New York City.

Third thing: If New York did not meet these above-mentioned expectations –- which they obviously did not, or we would not be here talking about this -– the least they could have done was trade Mike Marshall to a different team that would be less discriminatory with regards to his chronic back problem.

and was finally traded to the Red Sox in late July,

“Finally,” in late July, thus ending Mike Marshall’s long and arduous and back-pain-filled four-month New York experience. Besides his Jodeci CD and a trail of broken hearts, did Mike Marshall leave anything behind?

leaving behind a .239 batting average.

“I hit a grand slam and suffered back pain in New York City and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and .239 average.” –

A dangerous power hitter, Mike took an immediate liking to Boston and batted .304 in his first 13 games.

Using the Mike Marshall formula: back pain + grand slam + Mets + .239 average x .304 average in 13 games + DH rule = Boston > New York. Coincidentally, this card’s author happened to spend a lovely autumn weekend in the Boston area on a visit to take in the foliage and see his eldest daughter on the gorgeous Harvard campus. Mike Marshall’s 1992 Score card began thusly:

Like all visitors to Beantown, Mike immensely enjoyed his brief stay there…

Did you know?

According to Wikipedia, Mike Marshall is the first person in the history of the world to date Belinda Carlisle AND play for the Nippon Ham Fighters of Japan.