Classic card of the week

Frank Pastore, 1986 Topps

Considering he sent the card my way with accompanying comments, I’m going to let Sean take the lead here:

“No, no Frank – sweatier. Yeah, that’s good. Make your whole leather warm-up wet. Now do the ‘molester face.’ Yeah. It’s a wrap!”

Normally I’d say that I have nothing else to add, however I went on Wikipedia and as it turns out, I have something else to add.

On 5 January 2004 Pastore became the host of The Frank Pastore Show on KKLA 99.5 FM in Los Angeles. It is the largest Christian talk show in the United States.

Wow. This guy? Really? Okay. But for various reasons I think it’s warranted that we now retire the term “molester face.”

On 5 November 2004 an opinion piece Pastore authored, entitled Christian Conservatives Must Not Compromise” was published in the Los Angeles Times. In it, he references Leftism as “the evil ideology” and says that “the Left must defeated in the realm of ideas,” and has provoked a strong reaction on some message boards.

I enjoy how the reaction to these comments was felt “on some message boards,” as if Internet message boards are at the very heart of the human consciousness. I also want to add something here without venturing into deep waters and straying too far from baseball and general silliness: As a Roman Catholic myself, I have never seen the purpose in “the religious right” separating itself so dramatically from “the Left” –- and, to be fair, vice versa –- much less labeling any facet of the other as “evil.” When you do that, I think, it just doesn’t allow for the kind of discourse required to attain results and change hearts. Also, that “the Left must be defeated in the realm of ideas” is a curious concept. It makes me picture a group of priests armed with swords attempting to smash all the light bulbs that go off above the heads of hippies.

But hey, enough of that. I bet you were wondering about “The Big Texan” aspect of Frank Pastore’s life. I know I was!

Pastore held the official record for completing the 72-ounce steak meal challenge at the Big Texan steakhouse in Amarillo, Texas, having eaten the entire meal in 9 ½ minutes in May 1987 (this was his 7th successful completion of the feat) until March 24, 2008, when competitive eating champion, Joey Chestnut, finished the meal challenge in 8 minutes & 52 seconds.

This is just…I don’t even know. It seems as though there are three different Frank Pastores –- the former baseball player, the conservative talk-show host, and the steak-eating champion –- and Wikipedia opted to lump them all together in a clever attempt to save wiki-space. But there’s more:

Pastore is a graduate of Damien High School, La Verne, California. His nephew, Nick Pignotti, now plays soccer at the University of La Verne just down the street.

Wait, the Nick Pignotti? Just down the street? Get out of here! What does the back of Frank Pastore’s baseball card have to say about all this?

The first player in Reds history to wallop a home run in a night game was Babe Herman with a 4-bagger, July 10, 1935.

You are useless, Talkin’ Baseball head.

Did you know?
To say that you "walloped a 4-bagger" will currently get you killed in six countries.