Thursday, October 08, 2009

Classic card of the week


Danny Heep, 1991 Score

This is Danny Heep. Let us begin:



Danny’s 1990 season was not a heap of fun for him

I thought maybe they were going to wait for it; wait to cash in on the gold mine of comedy and literary device that is Danny Heep’s surname. But they did not wait. If I may, in my own feeble attempt to combine baseball terminology and Danny Heep wordplay, I would say that they hit us off with a heap of it, right off the bat.

for he missed a large portion of it because of a herniated disc suffered in late June.

That is a heap of herniation right there. When Danny Heep felt the disc in his hernia area burst, he knew immediately that he was in a heap of trouble. Shall I continue? I am going to continue.

But he did cause a few laughs

A heap of laughs? No? Just a few? Okay.

When he became the first Red Sox position player in 38 years to pitch in a game. The Sox were losing 15-0

That is a heap of runs.

to the Twins and Danny finished the game by giving up four hits and one more run. His ERA: 9.00.

I know how to compute ERA when somebody gives up one run in one inning, thank you very much. Also, to this point in the discussion –- and the discussion is finished –- I have not learned anything worth knowing about Daniel William Heep. I know that he herniated a disc, and that he was asked to pitch in a blowout when the Red Sox ran out of pitchers and did not want to risk injuring one of their better players. Do I have to consult Wikipedia for more info? Because I will:

In 1986, while playing with the Mets, Danny Heep became the first player in a World Series to be a designated hitter (DH) with the initials “D.H.”

See, now that is the type of useless information I am looking for! If Danny Heep were the first player ever to DH with his initials, that would barely fall into the category of something that somebody would ever include in some kind of trivia format. That he was the first DH in a World Series with those initials is so obscure and “when or why did somebody even figure that out”-ish, it’s not even worth taking up the space in my brain. But now it’s too late. What else, Wiki?

Earned the profane but in good fun nick name Danny “Heep of Shit” from Mets fans.

How is that in good fun? God, I love New York.

Did you know?

One heap equals a baker's dozen minus several.

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