Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Classic card of the week


Gheorge Muresan, 1992-93 Classic Four Sport Collection

First of all, that is an offensive foul. You cannot use your non-shooting arm weapon to ward off would-be defenders whilst also utilizing your tree branch fingers to poke said defenders in the eye, mouth, or mustache. Second of all, it doesn’t even matter because you are simply delaying the inevitable if you call an offensive foul on Gheorge Muresan, unless you do that five more times, which would cause Gheorge Muresan to foul out of the game, thus delaying the inevitable until the next game. Also, the inevitable is Gheorge Muresan dominating your sorry ass in the lane all day long with his array of big man moves and arm weapon tactics. Third of all, this is the French League, and the first rule of the French League is: There are no rules. The second rule of the French League is: Get out of Gheorge Muresan’s way.

Let’s find out more:



Gheorge Muresan enters the NBA as an untested potential star.


This is the exact same way ever person who ever entered the NBA entered the NBA, assuming that they are referring to being tested in a basketball sense and by NBA standards. Either way, this anecdote is accurate regardless, as Gheorge Muresan literally never took a written test in his entire life, mostly because he was five-feet tall coming out of the womb and was immediately inserted into the starting lineup of the Romanian National team and thus, was never formally schooled. In addition, he was never able to fit inside of a car, and was never required to take a drivers test. In 1990 however, he was approved by the United Nations -- sans tests -- to wear a Smart Car on each foot as transportation.

America patiently waits to see this Romanian giant up close.

America, in fact, was so patient in its anticipation of seeing this Romanian giant up close, that one would almost think that America did not care that much about seeing this Romanian giant up close, especially considering that, for most of America, up close meant “on TV,” which is where America could watch him anyway, if they had the French League channel on their cable package, which almost every American did back in 1992. I, on the other hand -- bored with the raw athleticism and high-flying nature of the NBA at that time -- was brimming with excitement at the thought of a 7’7” Romanian person jogging briskly up and down the court for a full 48 minutes. I even recall, as a 14-year old, tugging on my father’s shirt several times a day and asking him when we could see this Romanian giant up close. “Be patient, son,” is all he would say.

I would now like to direct your attention to the Gheorge Muresan photo on the back of the card:



Here we have a basketball card hyping the arrival of Gheorge Muresan to the NBA. If you could pick one person on the planet, at that time, to assist in this transition, who would it be? Who could possibly provide this Romanian giant with the credibility he would need to adjust to the most competitive basketball league in the world? I have somebody in mind. And all I’m saying is, I probably wouldn’t have cropped him out. On the other hand, this could have been done purposely, so as to signify the eminent takeover of the NBA by one Gheorge Muresan, which is exactly what happened.

Did you know?
My father kept his promise when he took me to see My Giant in theatres. It was the sixth best day of my life.

No comments: