Thursday, December 11, 2008

Classic card of the week


Mel Blount, 1991 Pro Line Portraits

Scene: NFL studios is Los Angeles, California. Several executives are meeting with Pittsburgh Steelers cornerback Mel Blount.

Executive #1: Thanks for coming by today, Mel. Listen -- I’m going to be “blount” (makes quote signs with his hands) with you-

Mel Blount: Stop right there. I will walk out of here right now.

Exective #1: I’m sorry…I’m sorry, Mel. I thought you’d appreciate that. Let me start over. Mel, I’m going to be honest with you -- we want you to do a Pro Line portrait. You’re one of the most popular players in the league, sort of, and it would mean a lot for our line of football cards to have you on board.

Mel Blount: I really appreciate that, guys. Really, I do. But I’m a busy man. Why can’t you just send out a guy to take pictures of me playing football?

Executive #2: That’s not how we do things over here at Pro Line portraits, Mel. We want the fans to get a taste of who you really are, off the football field. That’s what the football-card-buying public really wants to see.

Mel Blount: I thought they’d like to see me playing football.

Executive #3: No, that is a myth. They hate football. They want to see Mel Blount the person, the father, the pedestrian, the chef, the lounge lizard, the professor…whatever makes you who you are, that’s what the fans want to see.

Mel Blount: I’m a football player.

Executive #1: One day a week, you are, Mel. One. Day. A. Week.

Mel Blount: Alright, listen. I like the way you guys operate. I’m going to do this. (Conference room erupts in ecstatic “hoorays!” and awkward hi-fives.) But HOLD ON! Because this is how it’s gonna go down: I’m going to need a bow tie, a 12-inch belt buckle, a cowboy hat, and a horse. Not one of those mini-horses, either. A real, legit horse. And you’re going to fly me out to a remote ranch in northwest Kansas, and we’re going to do this in one take, because I don’t have a lot of time. We leave this afternoon.

Executive #8: Harry, can we do this?

Executive #12: I’m already on it. The private jet is on the runway. Carolyn is working on getting one of the horses from “Young Guns.”

Mel Blount: Let’s roll.

End scene

Wow, that got out of hand pretty fast. Let’s get back to reality here and have Mel Blount explain what this portrait signifies:



Football challenges the total individual – spiritually, physically, mentally, morally, and emotionally. The game exemplifies life.

Speaking of life, another thing I like to do in life is to hang out with my horse on our 50-acre ranch back home. That is what I imagine the next sentence will be.

It’s a true test of manhood.

Darn.

I think that’s one reason the proudest moment of my life, as far as an accomplishment, was when I heard the news that I had been selected for the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

I shall wear my best bow tie to the induction ceremony! Also, still no mention of the horse portrait.

That was great news. I remember all the people I played with, worked with, and met while I was in the league. I love the game horses.

There. That explains it.

Did you know?
The urge to reference "Blazing Saddles" was resisted an estimated 26 times during the construction of this post.

1 comment:

Bill said...

This card may seem strange, but it is only following in the tradition started by the 1990 Pro Line Portraits card in which Jack Lambert is swimming with dolphins. (Actual dolphins; not Larry Csonka.)