Thursday, September 11, 2008

Classic card of the week


Rufus Porter, 1989 NFL Pro Set

There are two things you can do when Rufus Porter is pointing directly at you, and looking as though he is going to kill you with his bare hands. You can a) take your chances and hope the offensive play in question is called for somebody else or will be run in the opposite direction of Rufus Porter (i.e., backwards and out of bounds), or b) immediately feign an injury and/or quit the sport of football altogether on the spot. Of course, these scenarios are intended for the hypothetical situation in which an anonymous blogger finds himself on a professional football field across from Rufus Porter circa 1989, and not for your average NFL player, who would most likely not be so intimidated by one of his peers pointing at him in a threatening manner.

But enough hypotheticalness. Let’s find out more about Rufus:



Began season as unknown free agent, ended it in 1989 Pro Bowl


I don’t mean to nitpick here, but somebody must have known who Rufus Porter was, right? Or:

Seattle Seahawks’ scout: Guys, check it out. Got an unknown free agent who I think might interest you.

Seattle Seahawks' front office: Awesome. What’s his name?

Scout: Don’t know. He’s unknown.

Front office: What college did he go to?

Scout: That is unknown.

Front office: How fast can he get downfield on punts and kicks?

Scout: Not sure.

Gets downfield very fast on punts and kicks…

Scout: Wait, scratch that. Very fast.

Front office: What else does he do?

Scout: Don’t know. Points a lot.

Front office
: We’ll take him. We shall call him “Rufus.”

Now I know what you’re thinking. You are thinking this: Okay, all that is well and good. But let’s say that the Seattle Seahawks are about to kick off. But then there is a penalty of some sort. So now they have to kick off from the 30-yard line. Also, they are playing the Houston Oilers. How does Rufus Porter react? I am so glad you asked that question:

Against Houston, Seahawks kicked off from 30-yard line after penalty, he made tackle at Oilers’ 11…

And there you go. That was hella specific.

Did you know?
There are two Rufus Porter museums. One for the artist, and one that honors the aforementioned tackle at the Oilers’ 11-yard line.

1 comment:

Bill said...

1983 NFL Draft is to quarterbacks, as 1989 Pro Set is to funny cards.