Thursday, August 09, 2007
Classic card of the week
Jose Offerman, 1991 Fleer
Nothing puts a hop in my step like seeing a professional athlete pose to pretend like he’s playing the sport that he can be found playing for real any day of the week. And it seems like the ridiculousness of this scenario is not lost on Jose Offerman, who seems less than thrilled to be pretending to play shortstop, just minutes before he will be doing shortstoppy things for three consecutive hours. I think it’s pretty safe to say that Jose Offerman is giving it much less than the required 110% in this pose. For starters, he is matching the photographer’s overall laziness by refusing to bend down completely to snag that fake ground ball. I mean, that fake ground ball is going to go right under his glove, and straight into the outfield! E6! And speaking of the outfield, that is apparently where the shortstop position is located. That, or the Dodgers have their famous “shift” on, where the shortstop moves into left field, and the other three outfielders form a single file line in center field. (Worked every time against Jack Clark. It’s called “scouting.” I’m just saying.) And to make matters worse, Jose Offerman doesn’t even have his eyes on the fake ground ball, instead opting to throw daggers at the photographer who had the audacity to take him away from warm-ups. “If looks could kill, Jose Offerman would be an oozy or a shot-gun, bang!” When he wasn’t busy pretending to play baseball, Jose Offerman could be found fielding back-handed compliments. States the back of this card: Sleek shortstop who has shown flashes of excellence among rookie mistakes. Jose’s hit-list of rookie mistakes included a) the time he tried to lay down a bunt with two strikes, b) the time he accidentally used Tommy Lasorda’s toothbrush, and c) the time he threw out his back half-heartedly posing for a baseball card.
Did you know?
Jose Offerman is in the pretend Hall of Fame.
Yeah, ummm...THIS? I didn't make up. So weird...