Monday, May 07, 2007

Classic card of the week



Jeff Montgomery, 1991 Topps

If it weren’t for the Royals uniform and the stadium background, this could easily be a picture of Jeff Montgomery on vacation in the Bahamas, as taken by his lovely (I assume) wife. But for Jeff Montgomery, everyday was a day at the beach, even if that beach was technically the barren wasteland also known as the Kansas City Royals organization. No matter to Montgomery, who began each day by putting on his practice uni, grabbing his Royals sun visor, popping the cassette single of Technotronic’s “Pump Up the Jam” into his iPod walkman, and fast-walking three laps around the stadium. And hey, if somebody stopped him and wanted to take his picture, for say, a baseball card, or even a “Kansas City Royals’ 1991 Studs of the Bullpen Calendar,” that was cool with Jeff Montgomery. Snap away. Actually though…is that a visor? I’m not exactly sure. I’ve never seen anything like that in my entire life. It almost looks as if Montgomery is wearing a fitted Royals hat backwards, with a small girl’s sunhat on top of it, except the sun hat has holes in it. Either way, it goes perfect with the mullet, unibrow, and old skool hard yellow headphones. My guess is that Jeff Montgomery had his headphones adjusted to the biggest size possible in order to get them over the contraption he had on his head.

But what about Jeff Montgomery as a player, you ask? Well, try this on for size: Jeff was named to the Pioneer League All-Star Team at Billings during the 1983 season. He set loop record with 11 consecutive Strikeouts in one game. I have a few questions about that statement. First, how much better is the Pioneer League All-Star Team at Billings than the Pioneer League All-Star Team at Springfield, and obviously, the Pioneer League All-Star Team at Shrewsbury? Also, since this card is from 1991, do you have any impressive statistical data on Jeff Montgomery from the last, say, six years or so? I mean, don’t get me wrong – we’re all proud of Jeff Montgomery for making the All-Star Team in eighth grade, but c’mon…who didn’t? Also, what is a “loop record?” More importantly, what is “loop?” Is Jeff Montgomery wearing a loop on his head? If loop is a misprint for “league,” allow me to be the first to say, that is one hell of a misprint. Finally, why is “Strikeouts” capitalized? Who edited this tidbit? I am more confused now about Jeff Montgomery than I ever was before, and "before" I didn't even know who Jeff Montgomery loop.

Did you know?
Because of an injury to Dan Schatzeder, Jeff Montgomery was both Mr. June and Mr. December.

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